A Prisoner’s

Co@kb@@k'

The Iron Ghetto Gourmet
prigpnn m . WOTK

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Effoctive June of 2003

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A PRISONER'S COOKBOOK:
Recipes From Inside The Big House

Compiled By:
The Iron Ghetto Gourmet
& Prisoner’s Cookbook:
Recipes From Inside The Big House

By: The Iron Ghetto Gourmet

Anti-Copyright

Tilustrated by Kevin Zettner

Published by:

BLUEHORN PUBLISHING
P.O. Box 2364
Humble, TX 77347
IMPORTANT NOTICE

To the best of our knowledge, all of the informa-
tion cited in the recipes is true and complete. There
are no guarantees fram the author or publisher on the
outcome of any of the reconmendations suggested here.
Further, all readers on special diets are advised to
consult with a qualified doctor or healthprofessional
about. the consumption of any ingredient or combination
of ingredients that may be suspect to their health. In
addition, none of the recipes here have nutritional
values listed nor have these been developed for a par
ticular therapeutic or remedial diet. It is suggested
to pre-read all parts of any recipe for the greatest
possibility of success. Any and all liability incurred
in the preparation or consumption regarding the useof
the recipes contained herein is disavowed by the
author and publisher. These recipes are intended for
nothing other than experiments for eating enjoyment.
TABLE OF CONTENTS

TIntroduction
Breakfast.
Snacks & Treats....
Dead Horse Hamburgers.
Gravies, Sauces & Dips.
Tuna & Mackerel. .
Kitty Kat Casserole..

Officer's Classification.
Main Meals.. . .

Gunshots At Coffield..
Strange & Unusual Recipes.
Glossary of Prison Slang....

INTRODUCTION

Welcome to the wonderful world of convict cooking!
I want to thank everyone who contributed recipes, and
other material for this book.

Inside these pages you will find recipes from pri-
soners all over the United States. Some of these rec-
ipes are very simple to make, requiring nothing more
than a few can goods and dried soups from your commi-
ssary and a stinger or a hot-pot to recipes that need
items that have to be "obtained® from the prison kit-
chen, access to a hotplate and/or oven. Most of these
recipes are easily fixed in your cell, or even on the
run from the police!

There are recipes in here that can satisfy even the
sweetest of sweet-tooths. How about some Freaky Fudge
Cheesecake Pie, several great tasting milk shakes, or
how does same Chocolate Peanut Butter Pudding sound?

Want some meaty spreads for you and your partners
to sink your teeth into, but don't have alot of money
to spend at the store? Try some Of these mouth water-
ing spreads for which the ingredients are easily found
on the cellblock or outside on the yard: Rodent Stew,
Stewed Rodent or even some Puerto Rican Pigeon Soup.
Maybe those are a little too strange for your tastes,
in that case try some of these: Jailcell Spaghetti
Spicy V8 Jack Mack, or even some Slacker Pizza.

And just to keep you laughing vhile you're waiting
for your spread to cook, I'Ve also included someother
stuff, there are some cartoons, jokes, funny stories,
as well as a dictionary of convict prison-slang, (for
you inmates!)

Several people have sent in instructions on how to
put together a stinger, one burner stove, and even an
oven in your cell. But because prison mailrooms are
notorious for denying anything that they consider to
e a "threat to the security of the institution™ I've
had to leave that information out so that everyone
would be able to get their book. Besides, if you're a
real convict you can figure out all of that stuff for
yourself, and if you can't, then I suggest thatyougo
and hang-out with the inmates!
Anyway, whether you're an inmate or convict I hope
that you like this book and will tell others about it
1f you have any suggestions on how to improve itor if
you have recipes or other material to submit for the
next edition, send it to the address that islisted on
the copyright page.

Thanks everyone.

EAT AND ENJOY!

The Iron Ghetto Gourmet
Down In Texas
You Wiri-rss ani Gowss K
TRYING Te Fegp ME 7iess
i MoRrnEss Caomtas | T st o
7y GOk TAKE Tl SHwo soks

\ikr 7 T Exer e 5
FEE) A FALY OF 2520 aw

BREAKFAST ON THE RUN

3 Tosp of dry milk 1 Tbsp of butter/oleo

1 Cup of potato flakes 1 Cup of hot water

% Cup Of cheese cut into Garlic and chili powder
swall pieces salt & pepper to taste

Add milk and butter into hot vater. Stir in potato
flakes and cheese until just moist. Wait 2 minutes and
add any spices that you like.

BREAKFAST QUESADILA

1 Pkg of tortillas 1 Brick of cheese
1 Bell pepper sliced thin 1 Cup of picante sauce
1 Can of roast beef

Heat a pie pan on your buttcan stove. Heat theroast
beef in a hotpot or boiling water. Pull the roast beef
apart until it's stringy looking. Place a tortilla on
heated pie pan. Place cheese and roast beef on the tor
tilla. Add the sliced bell (or jalapeno) pepper. Asthe
cheese melts pour on the salsa. Fold tortilla in half.
Pull it out of the pan, and eat it immediately while
telling your partners that the next on is their!!

BREAKFAST PORRIDGE WITH A TWIST

1 cup of oats 2 Cups of vater

% Cup of dry milk % Cup of raisins

% Cup of chopped fruit % Cup of chopped nuts

% Tsp of cinnamon Sugar to taste
Glob of butter Dash of salt

Bring oatmeal, dry milk, fruit, salt, and water to

a boil. Simmer, stirring often until porridge is the
desired consistency. Top with butter, sugar, cinnamon,
and nuts. Takes about 10 minutes once the water boils.
Substitute % cup of oatmeal or % cup of Grapenuts or
Shredded Wheat. It gives it a different taste and tex-
ture.

Linda Berry

Merritt Island, FL

13
COFFEE CAN OMELETTE

3 Bggs % Cup of grated cheese
% Cup of salsa % Cup of chopped ham
Salt & pepper to taste

Crack eggs into a bowl and whip until mixed. Add in
the cheese, ham, salsa and seasonings. Pour themixture
into a plastic bag that won't leak. Place bag in a hot

pot, Coffee pot, or very hot vater and let cook 10-15
minutes.

David Jenkins
Rosharon, TX

BREARFAST TACOS

1 Lg potato 1 Tbsp of butter
4 Bggs 1 1g onion chopped
Bacon or sausage cut up Seasonings to taste
Skin and slice potato. Melt butter in a frying pan.
Add potato, meat, and onion. Fry and stir. Beat eggs
pour over other ingredients. Cook in pan until theeggs
reach the desired consistency. Add spices.
Reith Tate
Tone, CA

THE SLACKER BREAKFAST

1 Bagel or rice/oat cake 1 Jar of peanut butter

1 Sm pkg of peanuts 1 Sm pkg of raisins
Spread peanut butter on bagel or rice/oat cake. Top

it with raisins or other dried fruit, peanuts or other

toppings of your choice. There is no limit to what you
can do with this.

THE EYE OPENER SYRUP
2 Cups of ground coffee % Cup of sugar

Boil coffee continwously. Add sugar a spoonful at a
time and stir. Boil until almost a syrup. It thickens
as it cools down. Pour over pancakes for the best damn
syrup that tastes good and wakes you up!
PRISON CELL MADE PANCAKE TOPPINGS

QUICK & EASY TOPPINGS

#1 Brown sugar #2 Jelly
#3 Applesauce #4 Peanut butter
#5 Combination of all/some of the above

APPLE SYRUP

of sugar % Cup of water
Pkg of hot apple cider mix

JELLY SYRUP
% Cup of jelly (any kind) 3 Tbep of butter

HONEY SYRUP
1 Cup of honey 1 Thep of vanilla
2 Tosp of water 2 Thep of hutter

% Cup of coconut (if you can get it)

Heat all ingredients to desired consistency. These
instructions are for all three syrup recipes above.
Dwayne Eddings
St. Louis, M0

15
GOURMET COFFEE A LA PRISON CELL #1

1 Spoonful of coffee 1 Crushed mint-stick
1 Cherry Cool-off

Add Cool-off and crushed mint-stick to your shot of
very hot coffee.

GOURMET COFFEE A LA PRISON CELL #2

1., onful of coffee 1 Crushed mint-stick
1 Can of Big Red or strawberry flavored soda

Heat soda until it's very hot (mot boiling). Addin
your coffee and mint stick. Mix well.
Kevin Zettner
Huntsville, TX

STRAWBERRY MILK SHAKE

% Cup of dry milk 1 Bottle of strawberry pre
1 Cup of very cold water serves or some real straw
berries if you have any

Mix dry milk and stravberry preserves or strawber-
ries in a large cup with the cold vater. Use as much
preserves or berries as needed. You can use other

fruit or even a melted chocolate candy bar for a cho-
colate milk shake.

PRISON GROG
2 Parts hot cocoa mix 2 Parts dry milk
1 Part sugar Mini marshmallows

Mix everything together. Measure about % cup into
your cup (or to taste), and fill with boiling water,
or very hot water. Stir well

ORANGE DELIGHT

1 Tsp of orange drink mix 1 Tsp of dry milk
2 Tsp of instant vanilla pudding.

Dump all of the ingredients into a 16-oz cup. Add
cold vater and stir well.

19
SNOW SHAKE

2 Thep of egg powder % Cup of dry milk
1 Toep of sugar 1 Tsp of vanilla
1 Cup of water 3 Thep hot choc (opt)

Mix all ingredients well and add snow until mixture
is thick and creamy. Leave out the sugar and add 3tbsp
of hot chocolate, instant pudding or cheesecake mix for
a different taste.

Jomn Klatz
Jersey City, NI

CHOCOLATE SHAKE

2 Cups of very cold water % Cup of dry milk
1 Env of instant chocolate pudding mix

Don't use mich vater. Shake mix in a container with
a tight 1id that won't leak for about 1 minute. If you
can, place into a bowl with ice so that it can thicken
as much as possible. Make it thicker and you canuseit
Ronald Greenwood
Pontiac, MI
NO BAKE PIE

1 Cup of cookie crumbs % Cup of melted butter
1 Cup of instant pudding % Cup of dry milk
2 cups of vater o

Mix melted butter and crumbs all together real well
Press mixture into the bottom of a bowl. Mix your pud-
ding in another bowl, or you can even shake it up in a
bottle. Pour into pie crust and set on top of some ice
if possible, so that it can chill for a few hours.

FUDGE PROSTING

1% Cups of water 1 Cup of hot chocolate
4 Tosp of dry milk 2 Tosp of butter
1 Cup of vater

Combine sugar, milk, water, and chocolate in a pan.
Cook over medium heat stirring constantly untilmixture
comes to a boil. Boil, stirring occasionally toprevent
sticking until mixture thickens and becomes a syrup if
dropped in cold vater. At this point, remove from heat
and add butter then cool until lukevarm. Beat untilthe
fudge thickens and quickly spread on cake. You canalso
serve as fudge after it cools completely.

Angle Westland
Marlin, TX

PEANUT ‘BUTTER CUPS

1 Cup of cookie crunbs 1 Cup of peanut butter
% Lb of powdered sugar (crunchy is best)
% Cup of butter 6 Hershey choc candy bars

Melt butter and mix in peanut butter, sugar, crumbs
Press into the bottom of a bowl. Melt choc candy bars,
then pour them over crust. Chill on ice for an hour or
S0 or until you're just to hungry to wait any longer.
Cynthia Frist
Chowchilla, CA

23
STRAWBERRY CHEESECAKE PIE

% Bag of vanilla wafers % Box of graham crackers

2 Bags of dry milk 4 Lemon Cool-offs

1 Can of vanilla Ensure 1 Cup of sugar

1 Stick of butter 1 Bottle of stravberry pre-
serves

Crush wafers and graham crackers and put intoabowl
Melt butter and pour on wafer/crackers, mix very vell.
Take mixture and mash &mold it into "pie crust shapes”
in two large bowls. Set aside. In separate bowl mix the
Ensure, sugar and Cool-offs. Mix well, then add in dry
milk and again mix well. Hurry and pour mixture into
the two pie crusts before it starts to harden. Pour on
some strawberry preserves as the topping. Let stand for
about 45 minutes.

Eugene "Turp® Turpin

Huntsville, TX

FREAKY FUDGE

1 Bag of fudge cookies 1 Bag of vanilla vafers

% Jar of peanut butter % Bottle of chocolate syrup
1 Sm env of hot chocolate 3 Chocolate candy bars

1 Sm env of catmeal

Place peanut butter, choc syrup and candy bars into
a large bowl and add 1 cup of boiling water. Stiruntil
all melted, then pour crushed vanilla wafers, crushed
cookies, hot choc and catmeal into a bowl. Mix together
wvell. Spread out on a "cookie sheet" (big chip bag cut.
open), and let sit for 6-8 hours. Fudge covered graham
cookies are the best for this.

Tina Phillips

Rockville, IN

PRISON CELL ICE CREAM

Dry whole milk Stravberry jam
Snow (£rom outside on the ground during winter)

Stir milk, jam and snow together in any amount or

proportions, to the desired flavor and consistency.
Adams Catervood
Ravlings, WY
MICROWAVE ENERGY BARS

2 Cups of oats % Cup of brown syrup
% Cup of melted butter % Cup of maple syrup

Mix oats, sugar and butter in an 8x8 microwaveable
pan. Stir in enough syrup to coat the oats well. Nuke
it on high for 10 minutes, or until the syrup bubbling
on top starts to brown. Cool, cut into squares and eat
or wrap in plastic and save for later.

Darla Hammond
Plymouth, MI

BANANA OAT ENERGY BARS

% Cup of butter 2 Cups of mashed bananas
1 Cup packed brown sugar 4 Cups of quick cats

1 Bgg 1 Cup of raisins

% Tsp of salt % Cup of chopped walnuts

Mix butter and sugar until fluffy. Beat inegg, salt
and bananas. Stir in remaining ingredients. Pour into
a greased 9 x 13 pan. Bake at 380F for 1 hour or until
a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

Susan Hopkins
JCI Monticello, FL

BANANA SWEET TREAT

3 Fresh bananas 1 Jar of peanut butter
1 Jar of jelly 4 Flour tortillas
1 Bottle of choc syrup

Slice bananas down the middle, then in half. Spread
on the peanut butter and jelly. Place bananas on top
Roll into a log and place in the bottom of bowl. Cover
logs in chocolate syrup and eat. You can even top with
butterfinger candy bar, M&Ms, peanuts etc. Serve with
2 cup of hot coffee or chocolate. This is a great break
fast treat when the chowhall isn't worth going to. Try
this vith a pint of your favorite ice cream. Yum-yum!!

Larry Sheesley
Mbion, PA

25
BUTTERFINGER FUDGE BROWNIE ICE CREAM & SYRUP

2 Fudge brownies 1 Pt of favorite ice cream
2 Butterfinger candy bars 1 Bottle of chocolate syrup

Place brownies whole in a bowl, cover with your ice
cream. Top with broken candy bars and plenty of syrup-
You can also top with lots of other Stuff too. Thereis
no limit to what you can use for toppings.

GRANOLA PATTY

1 Jar of peanut butter 2 Sm boxes of raisin bran
2 Pkgs of maple syrup % Cup of water
10 Oatmeal cookies

Put % jar of peanut butter on wax paper. Crush cook
ies and cereal on top. Add syrup and water. Mixwellby
hand. On another sheet of wax paper place square patt-
ies. Wrap once, then place on top of your light for 2-3
hours.

GRANOLA TWIST

1 Jar of peanut butter 1 Cup of raisins
1 Cup of crushed nuts 20 Pkgs of maple syrup
3 Cups of raw uncooked cats

Mix oats and syrup together. DO NOT cook the oats
first. Mix it dry with syrup, add in peanut butter. Mix
well, then add fruit and nuts. Let sit 1 hour or until

too hungry to wait any longer! .
Hang Davg
Coalinga, CA

CHOCOLATE PEANUT BUTTER PUDDING

2 1oz pkgs Of cocoa mix 4 Sugar pkgs
1 loz mon dairy creamer % Jar of peanut butter

Mix cocoa, creamer and sugar into a small bowl. Add
enough water to make it pasty. Mix well. Add thepeanut
butter until you have pudding consistency as desired.
Let it stand or place on window sill in cool weather.

Mark Soliday
Frackville, PA
IN CELL PRISON CAKE #1

1 1g bag of cream cookies 1 Bottle of choc syrup
8 Fudge brownies 1 Tbsp of butter

Separate creams from cookies. Take % of the cookies
and crush into very small pieces, place on large sheet
Of vax paper. Mix creams, butter and chocolate syrup
0 a creamy consistency, this is your icing. Pour small
spread out to approx % inch thick. This is your cake
base. Place four brownies on the base and then spread
2 layer of icing on top. Place the other four brownies
on top of the others, then spread more icing on top.
Sprinkle some of your favorite toppings such as some
crushed peanuts, M&M's, etc. Finish topping with lots
of chocolate syrup.

Kevin Zettner
Huntsville, TX

IN CELL PRISON CAKE #2

2 Fudge brownies 1 Graham cracker
1 Jar of peanut butter 1 Bottle of choc syrup
2 Cream filled catmeal cookies

Place graham cracker on a sheet of wax paper. Spread
peanut butter on graham cracker. Place brownie on top
©Of peanut butter. Scrape cream filling from catmeal
cookies, mix with peanut butter and syrup. Spread onto
brownie. Top with other brownie and more "icing" . You
can top with some of your favorite toppings, M&M's or
peanuts, etc.

Steven Bomber
Huntsville, TX

VANILLA WAFER BANANA PUDDING

% Bag of vanilla wafers 2 Vanilla Ensure
4 Lemon Cool-offs 2 Env of dry milk
1 Can of fruit salad

Mix everything together. Add more wafers if desired
Pinkie Miles
Eldorado, KS

27
TASTY ENERGY BARS
3 Cups of peanut butter 7 Cups of dry milk
1 Cup of brown sugar 2 Cups of granola

Mix thoroughly and form into bars. Wrap each bar in
foil or plastic vrap. You can substitute flavored oat-
meal, catmeal cookies, or crushed up granola cookies.

OATMEAL BRICKS

1 Cup of raw catmeal 1 Cup of brown sugar
1 Cup of peanuts 1 Cup of raisins
1 Env of hot choc mix Warm vater as needed

Mix everything together real good and form intobars
Wrap in foil or plastic. Both of these recipes make a
good workout snack.

Jeffrey Peterson

El Paso, TX

DESERT NO BAKE COOKIES

1 Cup of sugar % Cup of peanut butter
% Stick of butter % Cup of milk

% Tsp of vanilla % Cup of quick cats

1 Env of cocoa mix % Cup of nuts

Mix sugar, butter, vanilla, cocoa, peanut butter
and milk together in a pan. Stir often vhile bringing
mixture to a quick boil. Boil and stir for 3 minutes.
Remove from heat. Add oatmeal and nuts. Drop spoonfuls
on vaxed paper and let stand avhile to cool andstiffen

FRUIT NUT ROLLS
2 Cups of dried fruit 2 Cups of nuts

Grind the fruit and nuts as good as you can. Mix it
well. Roll into balls 1 inch to ly inches in diameter.
Wrap each in foil. You can also heat these by placing
them on top of your light for about an hour or so. Try
these combinations: raisins/walnuts; dates/pecans; al-
monds/apricots.

Gene Fitzgerald
Las Vegas, NV
DANISH ROLL UP LOG

1 Cup of milk 2 Cups of sugar
1 Tosp of butter 2 Honey buns
1 Cup crushed van wafers 1 Cup of crushed nuts
% Cup Hershey choc syrup 1 Thsp Of van extract
(sub melted butterscotch)

Cook milk, sugar, and butter over med-heat. Remove
Add nuts and vanilla extract. Chop and shred honey buns
into small bits and mix with vanilla wafers in a large
bovl. Mix all ingredients together real well. Flatten
it onto a 12x6 inch sheet of plastic, such as a large
chip bag, and let it cool well. Spread a thin layer in
swirls across the top. Start at one end and roll it up
into a log. Slice disks off of it like a danish.

Bugene “Turp" Turpin
Huntsville, TX

BRAN FLAKE PIE

10 Su baxes bran flakes 6 Pkgs of pancake syrup
1 Pkg of salted peanuts % Tsp of Cinnamon
1 Choc syrup (to taste) 1 Stick of butter

Brpty boxes of bran flakes into large bowl. Mix pea
nuts, cinnamon, syrup and chocolate syrup into bowl.
Mix everything together real good. Pour mixture into a
pie pan. Top with more choc syrup. Place pie pan above
a heat source (cell light) for several hours to harden
Eat some while still hot. Wrap and save the rest until
later.

SWEET TREAT

1 Pkg of cream cookies 2 Pkgs Of peanut M&M'S
3 Chocolate candy bars

Separate the cookies fram the cream filling. Mixthe
crean filling with the candy bars and M&M's. Add just
enough boiling water to melt (don't use very much. Be
careful!) Crush cookies to fine powler (or as close as
possible). Drain off excess liquid from melted candy

then mix everything together. Use excess liquidasit's
needed. Keep it thick. This is a cross between brownie
cake mix and fudge.

29
PRUIT PIE A LA MODE WITH SYRUP

1 Fruit pie 1 Bottle of choc syrup
1Pt of ice cream Toppings of your choice

Place fruit pie in a plastic bag that won't leak.
Place in hot vater (not boiling!). When the pie is hot
place it in a bowl, then top it with ice cream, syrup,
and other toppings of your choice.

1 Box of graham crackers 1 Bottle of choc syrup
1 Jar of peamit butter

Spread peanut butter and chocolate syrup on agraham
cracker. You can also top with other toppings as well,
such as marshmallows. Place another grahamcracker on
top to finish your “sandwich". This will work withsome
vanilla wafers, too.

Fevin Zettner
Huntsville, TX

BUCKEYES
1 Jar of peamut butter 5 Hershey choc candy bars
Ereak up and melt candy bars. Scoop out Some peamut

butter with your fingers and roll it into small balls.

Fhen chocolate is melted, use a toothpick to dip Ealls

into chocolate, leaving a small circle of peanut butter

on top so that it looks like a Buckeye. GO BUCKEYES!!!
Big Roy Simms
Mansfield, OH

SNOW CONES

#1 Mix fruit drink crystals or apple cider mix into a
syrup. Pour over a cup of snow.

#2 Sprinkle fruit flavored gelatin over a cup of SNOW.

#3 Mix a cup full Of snow with any of the syrups list-

ed in this book.
Psycho Mike
Seattle, WA

an
POPCORN BALLS

2 Bags of plain popcorn 3 Pats of butter
2 Pkgs of hot cocoa mix 5 Tsp of water
1 Chocolate candy bar

Mix cocoa, 2 pats of butter, water, and broken up
candy var in a bowl. Heat until candy bar iscompletely
melted. Pour mixture over popcorn while still in bags.
Butter hands and mix well. Form into balls while still
varm.

Donna Campbell
Monticello, FL

CARAMEL CORN WITH PEANUTS

1 Bag of popcorn 2 Pkgs of syrup
1 Bag of peanuts 3 Pats of butter
2 Bags of Bit-O-Honey

Mix Bit-O-Honey, syrup and butter. Heat S-10minutes
Mix popcorn and peanuts. Put into plastic bag. Pourmix
ture over popcorn and peanuts, then shake well mixing
it completely. Spread out on wax paper and let it cool
Kimberly Wells
Pee Ve Valley, KY

FUDGE FROSTING

1% Cups of sugar 1 Cup of hot chocolate
4 Tosp of dry milk 2 Thsp of butter
1 Cup of water

Combine sugar, milk, water, and chocolate in a pan.
Cook over medium heat stirring constantly untilmixture
comes to a boil. Boil, stirring occasionally toprevent
sticking until mixture thickens and becomes a syrup if

dropped in cold water. At this point, remove from heat
and add butter then cool until lukewarm. Beat untilthe
fudge thickens and quickly spread on cake. Youcanalso
serve as fudge after it cools completely.
angie Westland
Marlin, TX

31
DEAD HORSE HAMBURGERS

During the sumer of '82, on the Ferguson unit of
the Texas prison system, I was going to work one morn
ing and as the field squad that I was assigned to
started down this long sloping hill towards where the
field trailers were at, we passed right by the horse
barn. As we were walking past we could see that there
was a dead horse just laying there, right in front of
the barn. We went on down the hill and got our aggies
(hoes) off of the tool wagon and started vorking right
benind the barn where the sewage ponds are. We worked
in that area all morning until we stopped for lunch.

We duced up at the bottom of the hill and started
up tovards the back gate. As we again passed by the
barn we could see that the dead horse was gone. Because
Of vhere the field squads were working ve could see
both sides of the road that came past the back gate
but not the back gate itself and nobody in any of the
Squads sav a trailer come and get the horse. Everybody
was laughing and joking about how the kitchen vas
going to cook the horse for supper that night.

We came back out and worked the second half and at
one point the field Major told us to be sure and work
up a good appetite. Being a young first timer Ididn't
really think that they would actually serve meat from
a dead horse, of vhich they probably had no idea what
the horse had even died of.

hall and was served hamburgers! In those days getting
a hamburger was rare, something that only happened on
special occasions such as holidays, and this day sure
wasn't any kind of special occasion or holiday.

‘The horse burgers were pretty good, except for an
unusual sour taste. Since then, I've eaten somereally
strange food that has come out of a prison chowhall.

And for all of you youngsters out there, here is
some advice for you: Don't think about it, just eatit

GOOD EATING!

33
A voman spent months trying to poison her ex-con hus-
band. She didn't know that he was immune because he'd
eaten in the prison chow-hall for so many years.

COOK: The best things that I cook are meatloaf and a
peach cobbler.

CONVICT: Yeah? Well, vhich one is this?

Our prison has been serving us so much dehydrated food
lately, that when I went out into the rain the other
day T gained 50 pounds!

Big Bubba comes from a family of really big eaters.

After each meal the officers have to do a special
count..

There must be a religious cook here. Every meal tastes
just like the last supper.

Our cocks alvays serve us salwon. Salmon patties, sal
non soup, salmon salad, salmon, salmon, SALMON! It is
5o bad that twice a year I have to fight the urge to
go up stream and spawn.

The cooking is really getting better around here. All
the lumps are bite-sized.

My mom's hash alvays made me nervous while eating it,
I never knev what she put in it. The hash here makes
me nervous too, that's because I KNOW what's in it!

our cooks get all of their recipes from a magazine.
It's called ROADKILL MONTHLY.

OLD CON: The food here in this unit is really bad.
NEW CON: Yeah? Just how bad is it?
OLD CON: We ALWAYS pray before e eat it!

When we have chicken on the menu, the cooks always
serve it in a special vay. With a wing and a prayer!

The bake shop isn't any better. Just the other day we
found out that Betty Crocker has declared war against
us!
BASIC CREAM SAUCE

Milk Thin Medium Thick
(4 Tosp dry/1 cup water) 1 Cup lowp 1cup
Flour 1Tbsp 2Thsp 3 Tosp
Margarine 1Tbsp 2Tosp 3 Thsp

Melt margarine in a pan over a low heat, add flour
stirring constantly, to prevent burning, until mixture
is as smooth as possible. Add milk slowly, stirring
constantly to prevent burning. Keep stirring over alow
heat until it is thick enough for what you need. This
takes about 5 minutes. Take it Off the heat and add in
salt and pepper to taste. Using this you can make dif-
ferent types of sauces for all kinds of recipes.

CHEESE SAUCE
1 Cup basic cream sauce 1 Cup of cheese chunks

Make basic cream sauce first. Cut the cheese into
small bits and add it at the end with the pan off the

burner. CHEESE BURNS! Be careful.

MUSTARD CHEESE SAUCE

1 Cup basic cream sauce & Cup of cheese chunks
% TSp of garlic powder 1 Tbsp of mustard
Dash of hot sauce to taste

Use the above instructions for this recipe adding in
the garlic, hot sauce and mustard first to the basic
cream sauce. Add in the cheese at the end.

BROWN GRAVY

1 Cup basic cream sauce % Cup finely chopped onions
% Tsp of garlic powder 2 Tbsp soy sauce or tamari

Add a beef or chicken bouillon cube or soup flavor-
ing pkg instead of the soy for a “meat” option. Don't
do both or it will be too salty. This sauce is perfect
with a bunch of biscuits for breakfast. All ingredients
can be had through the prison kitchen.

Edward Barrow
Lebanon, OH

37
PEANUT BUTTER GRAVY

of vai % Cup smooth peanut butter
of garlic 3 Thsp of dry milk
% Thsp beef soupmix (1iq) 1 Dash of hot sauce

Heat water until very hot. Remove from heat. Mix in
all ingredients and mix really vell. Place the mixture
back on heat and heat until very hot. Pour overnoodles
This makes 1 serving

BBQ SAUCE
2 Pints of ketchup % Cup of orange juice
% Tbep of black pepper 1 Dash of hot sauce
1 Dash garlic powder (opt) 2 Tbsp dill pickle vinegar
iy

2

/8 Cup of mugar

Cup
Cook all ingredients over med-heat for 1 hour. Let
it cool well. Add to any spread for a better taste.

SWEET & SOUR SAUCE

Use syrup as sweet sauce Use grapefruit juice for the
sour sauce

¥hen making a spread, keep sauces separate! Example
with chicken, ham or tuna, cut into chunks and cook in
swall amounts of syrup. Cook dry soup/noodles with its
soup mix. Pour off water. Mix meat withnoodles leaving
the meat in chunks and add small drops of syrup on top
of meat. Pour small amounts of grapefruit juice intocup
on the side to dip spoons of food into before eating.
Eugene "Turp" Turpin
Huntsville, TX

BUTTERSCOTCH CANDY TOPPING

6 Butterscotch candies 2 Tbsp of syrup
% Tosp of sugar

Crush butterscotch into powder. Add sugar and syrup
Mix well. Put into small bag or jar and heat in hotpot
or very hot vater for 1-2 hours or until the mixtureis
wvell melted. Remove from heat and let cool. Dip apples
ete. into mixture and let harden.
BEAN DIP

2 Cans of refried beans 2 Cans of chili no beans
1 Bottle of squeeze cheese 2 Pkgs jal peppers diced
2 Plastic bags that won't leak

Brpty refried beans into one plastic bag and chili
into the other one. Close both tight and heat ineither
2 hotpots or use stingers to heat up vater. Cook for 1
hour. Once everything is cooked, dump intoabig spread
bowl. Stir in cheese and peppers. Be sure to mix every
thing really good.

Stephen Adkerson

Amarillo, TX

20
- / B -l s 4
\JEFrREY ';lMER_,i

SPICY V8 JACK MACK #1

1 Can of jack mack 1 Can of spicy V8
2 Spicy flavored dry soups 2 Jalapeno peppers diced
Salt & pepper to taste Chili powder to taste

Clean jack mack filets real good being sure to keep
‘them whole. Place the filets into a plastic bag. Mix
together spicy V8, peppers and seasonings, mix velland
pour into bag with jack mack filets. Place bag intohot
pot and cook for 1 hour. Cook soups til soft and drain
water. Place each soup into separate bowl, put a filet
on top of each soup. Pour remaining spicy mix on topof
each. Eat with crackers.

William Cartwright
Huntsville, TX

SPICY V8 JACK MACK #2

1 Can of jack mack % Bag of corn chips
1 Sm can of spicy V8 1 Bottle of squeeze cheese
1 Jar of sandwich spread 4 Dry soups (spicy's best)

Clean jack mack and can real good. Crumble jack mack
up into can with V8. Put can into hotpot or hot vater.
Cook for 45 minutes. Cook Soups til soft. Mix V8, jack
mack, soups, corn chips, cheese, and sandwich spread
(to taste). Serve on bread or tortillas.

Chucky Davis
Texas City, TX

SPICY V8 JACK MACK #3

1 Can of jack mack % Bag of quick rice/5 soups
1 Sm can of spicy V8 1 Pkg of jalapero peppers
Ketchup (optional) Hot sauce (optional)

Clean mackerel real good. Clean mackerel can real
good. Mix up chopped peppers, mackerel, and V8, then
pour into the can. Place can in hotpot or boiling water
Cook for 45 minutes. Serve with noodles or rice.

Jason Johnson
Gatesville, TX

a1
TAHITIAN TUNA

2 Cans of tuna 1 Can of fruit salad

2 Pkgs of trail mix 1 Jar of salad dressing

1 Bottle of ketchup 1 Jar of mustard

2 Pkgs of jalapeno peppers 1 Loaf of bread

2 Orange Cool-offs 1 Bag of chips (your choice)
3 Spoons of pickle relish 3 Spoons dried bell pepper.
1 Sm chopped onion % Tsp of garlic powder

You will need at least two large bowls. In one bowl
add 3 spoons salad dressing, 3 spoons ketchup, 1 spoon
mustard, (3 spoons relish and % tsp of garlic powder,
if available) together and set aside. Drain fruit and
squeeze out all juice into cup. Divide juice between 2
cups, add orange Cool-offs and top with water or iceto
make Orange Passion Fruit juice drink. In another bowl
dice fruit pieces with can 1id. Removeand discard seeds
from jalapenos, then dice (removing seeds is optional)
Add jalapenos to fruit. (Add the bell pepper and onion
to chopped fruit and jalapenos if available.) Blend in
the dressing mixture with fruit. Open tuna and squeeze
Off vater from can. Mix flaked tuna into fruit mixture
Add two packages of trail mix and toss to coat. Serve
on bread with chips of choice and Orange Passion Fruit
Jjucie drinks. Makes six nice sandwiches. Or enjoy this
dish from a bowl with crackers, using only 1 tuna, 1
trail mix, do not dice fruit and cut the dressing re-
cipe in half.

Nick Aucion
The ECHO Newspaper
. Huntsville, TX

CHILI MACKEREL

i Can of jack mack % Bag of corn chips
1 Sm can of chili 1 Bottle of smack cheese
4 Dry soups (your choice)

Cook chili in hot pot or very hot water. Clean jack
mack real good. Cook the soups until soft. Mix in your
chili, crumbled up jack mack, soups, corn chips and the
cheese. Mix vell, toss in some hot sauce and serve on
tortillas. Add a little sandwich spread to get a zingy
taste.

Troy Garcia
Tenn Colony, TX

44
KITTY KAT CASSEROLE

They call it Salmon Casserole,
I call it a dish from Hell.
Ve get this Stuff all the time,
We get tired enough to yell.

They say that it's good for you,

This healthy food that they serve.

But if you tell them what you really think,
You'd swear that you had touched a nerve.

I just vonder where they find this fish,

Is it cat food that "Nine Lives” once trashed?
oOr was it found along a river bank,

Just to save the state a little cash?

It's something special this great dish,
That is alvays served to us from a cup.
e gag it down and it chures around,
And alvays comes back up!

By: E. Bachman (Camp Hill)
Sibmitted by: Larry Sheesley (Albion)
IMroRTINT NOTICE

ve Ly
INMATE'S REVISED & UPDATED CLASSTFICATION LEVEL'S FOR_STAFE

As an employee of the (prison aystem and unit nam) you heve the
right to know that you have been classified according Lo the belaw
criteria.

otttcor. you have been Classified by the inmates of
the (unit Tane) and your level is as follove:

cHECK oNE ONLY:

_ LEVEL) "HILLBIIY- Description: Don't know, don't care.
Only interested in the
Peycheck.

— LEVEL-2 "GCD GLD 8OV Description: Treats inmtes OK. Lets
you eat tvice. Giveaout.
extra tollet aper.

__ LEVEL-3 "REOOP* Description: Aggresaive e
attitode. Writes a lot
of cases. Wil not rec—
omand any imeate for 3
parole.

— LEVEL-4 "REINPOK __ Description: Obmamous atbitude. M-
vays pleses insates off

. Asinine and completely

Juvenile bebavior . Often

areams of killing the

inmtes. EXTRBE RACIST

— LEVELS "ACLF WITLER" Description: Belleves that he is
Adolf Hitler. Believes
(enit name) 1e the Jeu-
ish concentration camp
at Auschwitz, Troate all
inmates as if they vere
Jeva. VERY DRGEROS! 1
JAILCELL SPAGHETTI

1 Can of sloppy joe 5 Dry soups (NOT CRUSHED)

1 Bottle of ketchup 1 Sm can of spicy V8

) Cup of powdered cheese 1 Pkg of jalapeno peppers
(from ODR or mac & cheese)

Heat sloppy joe. Mix % bottle of ketchup, V8, chop-
ped peppers and onion to make spaghetti sauce and then
heat. Cook soups until soft. Place soups into a large
bowl. Mix sloppy joe and sauce together. Pour over the
soups, top with powdered cheese (or cheese sauce). Mix
together some Soft butter and garlic powder and spread
on slices of bread.

Screvball
Rosharon, TX

SUMMER SAUSAGE SOUP

% Summer sausage log 1 Cup of quick rice
4 Dry soups (chili or spicy) 1 Pkg of jalapeno peppers
Cook rice and soups. Cut up sausage and chop peppers

You can cook sausage or not. Once all the rice & soups

are ready, add peppers and sausage. If your ‘commissary

has a good selection of different kinds of can goods,

there is no limit to what you can add to this recipe.
Richard Crowe
Joliet, IL

HOT CHILI CHI CHI'S

4 Dry soups (your choice) 1 Bag of chili rice
1 Lg bag of cheese curls 2 Long beef sticks (sliced)

Place soups, flavor pkgs, crushed cheese curls, beef
sticks, and rice in large bowl or back in cheese curls
‘bag. Mix well, add boiling water until mix is just cov
ered. Allow to stand until water is soaked upby mixand
noodles are soft. Wrap in flour tortillas or place on
saltines. You can also use as a dip for tortilla chips
Mark Soliday
Frackville, PA
CHEESEY POTATO CASSEROLE

2 g potatoes 2 Cups of water
I Cup of mustard cheese sauce

Bring water to a boil. Add thinly sliced potatoes
and simmer until tender. Make mustard cheese sauce in
2 bake pan. Add potatoes, mix and bake for 15 minutes
Top with sour cream. Mustard cheese sauce page 37.

Madison Legno
Lowell, FL
CREAMY SOUP
6 Cups of water 3 Soups not crushed
% Cup of butter/oleo 1 Cup of dry milx
% Cup of flour Seasonings to taste

Heat water, then add in soups and seasonings. Simmer
until noodles are soft. Mix thickener into a pastewith
a little bit of vater. Slowly add the paste to thesoup
stirring constantly until thick. Add in milk and maybe
a little cheese (to taste) last.

VEGETABLE BROTH SOUP

6 Cups of water 3 Beef soups not crushed
% Cup of oleo/butter Seasonings to taste
Heat the water and all soup flavoring pkgs. Add the
oleo and soups, simmer until noodles are soft. You can
add in vegetables, cheese etc. for different tastes. -
Elmore Watkinson
Edinburg, TX

HAM AND RICE

2 Cups of vater 1 Box of quick rice

1 Can of corn 1 Sm can of chunk ham
Cook rice and heat up corn. Wnen both are ready mix

together with ham and spices. You can also toss insome

mustard to help with the taste. [Ed. NOTE: Try the Mus
tard Cheese Sauce with this.]

Debbie Croft
Brimley, MI

50
CREAMED TUNA WITH NOODLES

4 Dry chicken soups 2 Thsp of margarine
3 Tbsp of flour 6 Tosp of dry milk
1% Cups of water 2 8oz cans of tuna

1 Sweet bell pepper

Cook noodles until soft. Add margarine and sauté the
pepper over medium heat for about Sminutes. Reduce
heat, stir flour into peppers, stirring for a minute.
Add the dry milk and water all at once and stir occas-
ionally until the mixture begins to bubble and thicken
Mix your tuna into the cream sauce in the pan. Serve it
over noodles.

ITALIAN TURKEY

1 Sveet bell pepper 2 6oz cans of turkey

1 Onion diced small 1 Pkg spaghetti sauce mix
% Cup of thick ketchup 1 Tbsp of margarine

2 Cups of water 5 Dry soups uncrushed

Bring vater to a boil and add ketchup, sauce mix.
onion (to taste) and pepper. Simmer 10 minutes stirring
often. Remove from heat, add turkey and cover for 5-10
minutes. Cook noodles until soft. Stir in the butter.
Pour turkey sauce over the hot noodles. Sprinkle on
some cheese or use cheese sauce. If you can get some
mishroons from your chowhall Kitchen, chop some up and
toss them in, too.

PRISON-MADE CLAM SAUCE FOR PASTA

1 Thsp of dry milk 2 Cloves of garlic

1 Tsp of of mistard 1 6oz can of chopped clams
2 Tsp of flour 1 Tsp of oil

2 Cups of vater 1 Chicken dry soup £1avor pkg

Toss clams in with flour, set aside. Heat oil in 2
skillet. Add garlic and sauté for 3 minutes. Stir in
soup pkg to make bouillon. Mix milk and mustard, add to
bouillon. Add water, stirring often until the sauce is
reduced by half. Add clams and heat for about a minute
Serve over cooked noodles.

Sarah DeLainly
Coldwater, ML
ENCHILADAS #1

1 Can of chili 1 Can of refried beans

1 Can of roast beef 1 Pkg of jalapeno peppers
1 Bottle of snack cheese 1 Bag jal-pep potato chips
1 Bottle of hot sauce

Put half of the chips in a bowl, the other half you
need to crush up in the bag. String out the roast beef
and mix with the refried beans and a little bit of the
cheese. Scoop out dollops of your mix onto some torti-
11as, roll-up into enchiladas, place into potato chip
bag and shake up. Now mix the chili, chopped peppers
and some more cheese. Put mixture into chip bag, coat-
ing the enchiladas. Place the bag into hot-pot or very
hot vater and cook for 45 minutes. It'll come out as a
big clump of enchiladas. Split bag open, top with more
cheese, hot sauce, and chopped up peppers.

Pecos Pete

Lost In Texas

ENCHILADAS #2

2 Cans of meatballs 1 Bag Nacho Cheese Doritos
1 Can of chili no beans 1 Pkg of jalapeno peppers
1 Bottle of snack cheese 1 Pt of milk

1 Tub of picante sauce 1 Pkg of flour tortillas

Mix meatballs, crushed Doritos, chopped peppers and
half a can of chili together in a large bowl, mix well
Add about 1/8 cup of milk and mix well. Lay flour tor-
tilla out flat, put approx 3 good spoonfuls of mixture
on tortilla and spread partially out. Add a small layer
of cheese and a spoon of picante: roll up tight intoan
enchilada. Repeat for all. Place enchiladas into empty
chip bag and pour in other half of chili all around the
enchiladas. Tie bag closed and heat in hotpot for about
2 hours. Remove and put more cheese on top. This works
2alot better if you can get real cheese out of the pri-
son kitchen. Sour cream tastes real good with this too
Eugene "Turp" Turpin
Huntsville, TX

52
ULTIMATE TEXAS SPREAD

1 Can of roast beef 1 Can of EBQ beef
1 Can of Treat (Spam) 1 Can of chili no beans
1 Can of tamales 1 Can of refried beans

3 Pkgs of flour tortillas 3 Pkgs of jalapeno peppers
k Bottle of snack cheese % Bag of corn chips

5 Dry soups (spicy'sbest) % Tub of picante sauce

1 Jar of sandwich spread

Cook all the can goods at the same time if possible
Cook soups until soft. Chop up peppers. When Treatmeat
is hot, cut into little pieces. Chop up roast beef til
it's stringy looking. Mix all the can goods, and soups
together real good. Add in the picante sauce cornchips
peppers, and cheese. Again mix everything together vell
Scoop out spoonfuls onto tortillas, fold and eat. You
can also dip tortilla chips. Throw ina little sandwich
spread for a zingy taste. This spread is expensive try
to get several people to pitch in a little something
and everyone can eat real good.

Pato Loco
Amarillo, TX

CHILI CHEESE MACK

1 Can of chili 1 Box of macaroni & cheese
% Bag of corn chips 1 Pkg of jalapeno peppers

Heat chili and cook macaroni. When noodles are Soft
mix in cheese, chili, peppers, and corn chips to bulk
it up. Serve with crackers, tortillas or bread.

Richard Crowe
Joliet, IL

BBQ BEEF MEATBALLS

1 Can of BBQ 1 Bag of potato chips
8 Saltine or Ritz crackers

Crush chips and crackers into a large bowl. Add the
can of BBQ beef, and mix and mash very well. Make two
large packed meatballs and put them into chip bag. Tie
closed and heat in hot pot for 1%-2 hours. When done,
place in bowl and top with cheese, peppers, etc.
GRAND-PAW'S FILET A LA MACKEREL

1 Can of jack mack 1 Chopped pickle
1 Can of quick rice 1 Lg spoonful of mustard
1 Bottle of snack cheese Hot sauce/picante salsa

Clean jack mack real good and place in a large bowl
Cook rice until soft. Mix everything all together add
ing in cheese and hot sauce/salsa to desired taste.

GRAND-PAW'S PAN MADE TACOS

2 Cans of refried beans 1 Can of chili no beans
2 Dry spicy soups crushed 1 Sm bag of crushed cheetos
1 Can of roast beef

Cook all of the can goods until hot. Cook soups til
soft. Mix everything together. Serve on tortillas.

GRAND-PAW'S VIENNA SAUSAGES CHOWDOWN

2 Cans of Vienna sausages 1 Chopped pickle
2 Dry spicy soups crushed 1 Can of refried beans

1 Can of lasagna 1 Pkg jal peppers chopped
% Bag of corn chips 1 Bottle of snack cheese

Cook soups until soft. Cook all can goods until hot
Mix everything together. Serve on tortillas
Grand-paw
Huntsville, TX

CHILI CHEESE NACHOS

! Bag of tortilla chips 1 Can of chili no beans
2 Pkgs of jal peppers % Bottle of smack cheese

Empty chili into a plastic bag that won't leak. Add
cheese in with chili. Place bag in a large butt-can of
very hot water and let the chili cheese mixture cook
for about 30 minutes. Place the tortilla chips into a
bowl standing on their edges. When mixture is hot pour
over top of the tortilla chips. Toss on some sliced up
peppers and eat.

Mule Johnson
Indian Town, FL

54

PRISON GLOP #1

4 Cups of water 2 Pkgs of veg soup
1 Can of corned beef Instant potatoes
Seasonings to taste

Heat water, add soup mix, and cook for about 20 min
utes. Turn off heat and add meat. Stir in enough of the
potatoes to achieve desired consistency. You can also
substitute rice for the potatoes and tuna for the meat

PRISON GLOP #2

4 Cups of water 1 Box of macaroni & cheese
% Cup of milk 1 Can of chicken or tuna
1 Tosp of butter Seasonings to taste

Cook macaroni until soft, drain water. Stir in milk
cheese, and chicken or tuna. Chop up Some nuts to toss
in for a different taste.

Roxanne Sanderson
Plymouth, MI

POTATO CHEESE SOUP

4 Cups of water 1 Thsp of butter

% Cup of instant potatoes % Cup of dry milk

4 Tbsp of flour % Cup of chopped onions
Seasonings to taste 1 Cup cheddar cheese chunks

Put all ingredients except cheese into cold water.
Stir well, bring to a boil while stirring continuously
Simmer about 5-10 minutes, and stir from time to time.
Remove from heat, add cheese and stir well.

COFFEE CAN STEW

3 Crushed soups Stew meat (£rom kitchen)
Seasonings of choice Water (as much as needed)
Vegetables (£rom kitchen)

In a coffee can add chopped vegetables (onions, cel
ery, carrots, potatoes, etc.) soups and soup flavoring
pkgs, and stew meat to a can Of water. Cook until veg-
etables are soft. Add any flavorings you like or that
you can get ahold of from the kitchen.
Samual K Byrd
Eddyville, KY
MEXICAN RICE CASSEROLE

1 Cup of rice or grits 1 Can of comn

1 Cup of chopped onions 2 Cups cheddar cheese chunks
% Cup of dry milk % Tsp of each, chili powder
3 Cups of vater salt & pepper

Cook rice, corn, milk, and spices. Mix ail ingredi-
ents. Pour into pan. Cover and warm over low heatuntil
the cheese melts.

Antonio Vargas
Jamestown, CA

RICE AND POTATO PATTIES

1 Cup of rice 4 Tbsp of dry mitk
1 Cup of instant potatoes % Cup cheese chunks
2 Thsp of butter 2 Instant soup pkgs

Garlic povder, salt & pepper to taste

Boil water, milk, and butter. Remove from heat, add
cheese, instant potatoes, rice, and soups, then set to
the side for about 10 minutes. Spice to taste, form in

to patties and fry in butter. [Ed NOTE: Top with brown
gravy recipe found on page 37]
Wilma Thompson

Pembroke Pines, FL

SBACKER PIZZA

1 1a tortilla 1 Pxg of pepperoni slices
1 Env spaghetti sauce mix Pineapple slices/chunks
Cheese slices

Heat tortilla on both sides. Spread on spaghetti-
sauce, lay pepperoni slices and pineapple on top and
cover with some cheese slices. Top with more pepperoni
and pineapple. Continue to heat until cheese is compl-
etely melted.
Mark Sperbert
Frackville, PA

56
DUMPLINGS AND SOUP

1 Cup of flour % cup of dry milk

2 Tsp of baking powder % Tsp of salt

1 Dry soup (any flavor) % Cup of butter

% Cup of water Seasonings to taste

Mix the flour, dry milk, baking powder, salt and
butter together. Add the water slowly into themixture
until the batter is stiff but sticky. Cook soup, bring
o a boil. Drop spoonfuls of batter into soup andcook
until the dumplings are cooked thoroughly about 10min
utes.

Paul Newcastle
Springfield, MO

CHEESEY RICE

2 Onions chopped % Cup of bacon bits

2 Cups of hot water 1 Cup of quick rice

1 Tomato sliced 1 Cup of grated cheese or
Dash of salt cheese sauce

Place a pan on heat. Stir-fry the onions and bacon
bits in the pot for a few minutes. Add in the hot vater
and rice. Cut up the tomato and add it whenthe riceis
cooked. Remove from the heat add salt and top withthe
Cheese and any seasonings you like.
Leroy Baker
Ogdensburg, NY

SLOPPY ROAST BEEF TACOS

1 Can of roast beef 1 Can of sloppy joe sauce
2 Dry spicy soups 1 Tub of picante sauce
1 Pickle w/juice 1 Bottle of cheese

Cook soups until soft. Heat can goods in hotpot or
boiling water. Mix soups, can goods, chopped up pickle
pickle juice, then add in picante sauce and the cheese
to taste. Serve on tortillas with a cold soda water.

Hector G. Lopez
Beeville, TX
BIG HOUSE STEW #1

3 Cups of water Instant potatoes
1 Can of desired meat Cheddar cheese chunks
1 Spoonful of butter Salt & pepper to taste

Heat water. Add potatoes according to package dir-
ections in any amount necessary for desired thickness.
Add desired quantities of cheese, meat, butter and fla
vorings. Chipped beef, roast beef, and summer sausages
vorks well with this.
Mickey Taylor
Dwight, IL

BIG HOUSE STEW #2

2 Cups of vater 1 Cup of quick rice
2 Env of veg soup 1 Can of seafood
Flavorings to taste

Bring water to boil. Add rice, soup and flavorings.
Remove from heat. Let it stand about 10 minutes, until
rice is tender. Add seafood and stir.

Lil' Mike Kennedy
Lebanon, OH

PEPPI, CHEESE & BEEF CHEE-CHEE'S

1 Pkg of pepperoni slices 2 Dry beef soups

1 Pkg of flour tortillas 1 Hot sauce (to taste)
1 Snack cheese . 2 Summer sausages

1 Bag of potato chips 1 Cup of hot vater

In two small bowls, place crushed soups, cook until
Soft then drain. Slice sumer sausage logs thinly then
cut slices into small pieces. Add beef, crushed chips,
seasoning pkgs, cheese and hot sauce to each bowl even
1y then mix well. Take your tortillas and lay them out
flat. Spread cheese on one side and place pepperoni on
tortillas, fold and eat.

Larry Sheesley

Albion, PA

58

RICE & BEANS

2 Boxes of rice 1 Bell pepper (chopped)
2 Cans of veg beans 1 1g onion (chopped)
1 Can of crabmeat 3 Cloves garlic (chopped)

1 Can of Spam (chunks)

Sauté the pepper, onion and garlic in butter. Slow
1y cook Spam, crabmeat and the corn in the beans. Pour
over cooked rice.

MUSHROOM CHICKEN

2 Boxes of Ziti 2 Cans of mushroom soup
4 Cans of chicken 1 Pt of milk

1 Lg onion (chopped) 2 Cloves garlic (chopped)
1 Bell pepper (chopped) R

Sauté peppers, onions and garlic. Add in the chick
en chunks with soup and milk to cooked Ziti. Stir and
eat.

MEATY ZITI (COLD)

2 Boxes of ziti 2 Soup flavoring pkgs
5 Cans of turkey 1 1g onion (chopped)
Mayo (to taste)

Cook Ziti. Add everything together. Mix well and
. This makes a good "chili".

CHEESEY RAT ZITI

2 Cans of spaghetti sauce 4 Cans of chopped ham
2 Boxes of Ziti 1 Pkg of cheese slices
1 Lg onion (chopped) 3 Cloves garlic (chopped)
1 Bell pepper (chopped)
sSauté peppers, onions and garlic with the ham. Add
into sauce. Add cooked Ziti into gal. sized container
Lay on cheese slices over top, nuke it a minute, stir
and then add more cheese on top.
G. Ramp "Rampage”
Bayside State Pen
Hammonton, NJ
BBQ BEEF SOFT TACOS

1 Can of EBQ beef 1 Bag of flour tortillas
4 Dry soups (your choice) 1 Pkg of jalapeno peppers
% Bag of corn chips 1 Bottle of squeeze cheese

Cook BBQ and soups. When the BBQ is hot, and soups
are soft, drain soups completely then add corn chips,
cheese, chopped peppers and mix well. Spoon onto flour
tortillas and eat.
Kirby Q. Kerney
Albion, PA

ROAST BEEF TACOS

1 Can of roast beef 1 Chopped onion or peppers
1 Can of refried beans 1 Pkg of tortillas
1 Bottle of smack Cheese 1 Jar of picante sauce

Heat roast beef and refried beans. When can goods
are hot, empty into two bowls. Chop roast beef up til
it's stringy looking. Spoon refried beans and then the
roast beef onto tortillas. Top with onions, cheeseand
salsa.

Danny Ortega
Kenedy, TX

60
fes

GUNSHOTS AT COFFIELD

One night back in 1988, vhile I vas assigned to the
Coffield unit of the Texas prison system, I had just
dropped in a can of chili and a can of sloppy joe sauce
into a gallon sized butt-can, filled the can up with
water and dropped in my stinger to cook up a spread for
me and my partners there on our cell block.

At the same time that I was doing all of this, the
block officer was just finishing running a dayroomcall
My partner, who lived down the run from me, stopped by
my cell and said that I needed to come to the dayroom
because of some trouble that was supposed to kick off.
Not being the kind of person to let my partners down,
1 very quickly grabbed my shoes and smokes and jumped
out the door just as it was closing and forgetting all
about the food that was cooking iu Lue back of my cell

About 45 minutes later, after the trouble that was
supposed to have happened didn't show, my friends and
I were sitting at a table in the back of the dayroom
laughing, bullshitting, and swapping lies with each
other, when all of a sudden we heard what sounded like
a small caliber "gunshot" (I was living close to the
dayroom so the noise was really loud). A second later
there was another “gunshot" sound. Everyone in the day
room was at the dayroom bars trying to look down the
run and wondering just what the noise had been.

At about this same time, people in their cellsstart
ed complaining about the electricity being off. Sudden
1y remembering about the can goods cooking in my cell,
I started to get a real bad feeling in my stomach and
was pretty sure what the noise had been. Yelling for
the block officer and getting him to come up to the day
room, I explained what I thought had happened. He just
looked at me as if I were completely stupid and opened
the dayroom door. T ran down the run to my cell and I
Jjust stood there looking in and not really believeing
what I was seeing. The water in the buttcan had boiled
down and the cans had exploded from the intense, pro-
longed heat of the boiling water. There was chili and
sloppy joe all over everything. The walls were smeared
with lines of grease where the stuff had splattered on

62
to the walls, and then run down to the floor. The very
worst part of the whole thing was seeing my cellie's
brand new $200 typewriter that he'd had to get special
permission from the varden to have sent in from the
world, sitting on his bunk completely covered ingrease

It took me two days of hard scrubbing and cleaning,
using hot soapy vater, to get the cell and everything
else in the cell cleaned up. It also cost me $100 to
have my cellie's typewriter sent out and professionally
Cleaned and to make sure that the grease hadn't hurt
the electronics in any way, and then have it shipped
back into the prison.

Never again have I ever forgotten to unplug either
my stinger or hotpot when leaving the cell!

, Steven Bomber
Huntsville, TX

&2
RODENT STEW #1

2 Good sized rodents Vegetables chopped up
2 Cups of water Seasonings to taste

Skin and de-gut rodents. Cut rodent meat into small
pieces. Don't worry about the bones, most are too tiny

to get completely out. Chop up vegetables, use potatoes
carrots and onions for sure, plus whatever else youcan

"borrow” from the kitchen. Put meat, vegetables and the
seasonings into a large pan filled with water and let
it slow cook for several hours.

RODENT STEW #2

2 1g rodents 1 Glob of butter or oil

1 Cup of flour Water as mich as needed
1 Tsp of salt Vegetables chopped up
% Tsp of pepper Seasonings to taste

Skin and clean rodents (squirrels, groundhogs etc.)
Cut into quarters. Mix together salt, pepper and flour
Foll meat in mixture. Heat butter or oil in cookingpot
and brown pieces of meat on both sides. As soon as the
meat is brown, cover with vater and add in vegetables
and seasonings to taste. Simmer for about 1 hours. Be
sure to check liquid occasionally and add more water if
needed.

STEWED RODENT IN FOIL

1 Good sized rodent 16 Bacon strips
Seasonings to taste Sm vegetable pieces

Completely skin and clean rodent. Cut the body into
2 portions. Season meat to taste. Wrap 8 strips of the
bacon around each piece of meat. Wrap the meat and the
vegetables in foil. Crimp the edges of the foil toseal
completely. Cook until the meat falls Off of the bone.
This should really be done in an oven but you canusea
one burner stove of some kind and a covered cooking pot
You can also cook game birds such as grouse and pheas-
ant in the same manner, you can even use a pigeon in a
pinch! You can also substitute rabbit for all of these
recipes (or whatever you can catch in the fields!).
KERMIT'S LEGS
8 Lg frog legs 3-4 inches 1 Cup of flour

1 Sm onion diced 1 Can of condensed milk
Butter/oil for frying Salt & pepper to taste
Garlic powder to taste Chili powder to taste

Catch four large bullfrogs in the fields. Cut legs
Off and sneak them in. Wash well. Place flour in bowl
with garlic, salt & pepper, and chili powder. You will
need access to a stove or hotplate. Place £rying panon
stove/hotplate, fill § way with butter. Put in diced
onion. Dip legs into milk and roll in the flour mixture
Place into butter and cook each side of leg for 20 min
utes. Bust open a bag of potato chips and pop open an
ice cold soda.

Raron Thibodaux

Angola, LA

PUERTO RICAN PIGEON SOUP
1 Ib of skinned & deboned 2 Tsp of chili powder

pigeon meat; cubed 1 Tsp of garlic powder

1 Cup of chopped green or 2 ldoz cans of chickenbroth
sweet red peppers 1 Cup of corn (fromkitchen)

1 Cup of cooked rice Cooking oil

Coat a large saucepan with oil and heat over medium
heat for 1 minute. Add pigeon, pepper, garlic powder,
chili powder, and cook for 3-5 minutes, stirring often
Add broth, corn and rice. Heat to a boil. Reduce heat
to low. Cook for 10-15 minutes. Serve with flour tor-
tillas used for dipping. NOTE: If you are not able to
catch any pigeons (or they have already beenused up
you can use chicken instead!) You can use chicken fla-
vored dry soup seasoning packs to make the broth.
Maria Saavedra
Framingham, MA

68
A GLOSSARY OF PRISON SLANG WORDS
AND COMMONLY HEARD PHRASES

Ace Duce, Road Dog- A prisoner's best friend in prison

Alan Dershowitz, F. Lee Bailey- What a white jailhouse
lawyer is called in prison.

All Day- A life sentence.
ALl Timer - Someone serving a life sentence.

Armor, Knightsuit - Body armor made of magazines that
is tied or taped to the body in order to help pro-
tect a person in a fight, usually from a weapon.

Arnold, Buffed, Hercules- A muscular person.

Backdoor Someone - To hit someone fram behind when they
don't expect it. .
Big House, Gray Bar Hotel, Iron Ghetto, Joint- Prison

Blanket Party- To throw a blanket over someone to keep
them from identifying their attackers.

Blind- A blind spot anywhere the guards are unable to
see vhat is going on.

Boneyard - An area set aside for conjugal visits.

Bonin' A Motherfucker - To con, trick, or to otherwise
fuck over someone.

Boonsfarm, Chalk, Hooch, Prumo, Raisin Jack - Homemade
wine.

Boss, Bull, Screw- A prison guard.

Box, Dungeon, Hole, Well- Solitary confinement.
Break Me Off Scmething - To ask for something.
Brick- A carton of cigarettes.

Bubble, Cage- A plexiglass or heavy wiremesh enclosed
guard station.

Bus Therapy, Diesel Therapy- A practice of constantly
transferring prisoners by bus from one unit to an-
other, usually done to jailhouse lawyers/writ writ-
ers who cause problems for the prison system.

Cadillac- The best of anything: cell, food, job, etc.

[
Candy, Fish, Newboot -A new prisoner.
Catch The Square -To step into an open area to fight.

Charge Up -To confront or accuse someone of something
usually just before a fight.

Checkin' - To fight someone to see if they will fight
back. To see if they will stand their ground.

Chester - A child molester.

Cho Cho Bar -Any kind of ice cream bar.

Click Up-To join a gang.

Convict - Someone who knows how to do their time.

Corner - Areas of the dayroom or yard divided by race
or gang affiliation.

Correctional Cocktail -A mixture of bodily fluids and
wastes (blood, feces, urine, saliva, and semen).

Crew - A group of people, not necessarily a gang, i.e.
the weight 1ifting team is the "Iron Crew".

Crib, Dog House, House - Cell.

Cut Up, Razorblade Holder, Swinger -A suicide.
Daddy - A homosexual's protector.

Date - A prisoner's release date.

Dead Man Walkin' - A death row prisoner.

Deck Of Squares -A pack of cigarettes.

Do Your Own Time -Mind your own business.

Doing Life On The Installment Plan -A prisoner who is
2 habitual repeat offender.

Drop A Dime, Whisperin' In The Man's Ear - Snitching.

Dump Truck - A lawyer who sells out his client, or is
incompetent out of ignorance.

Fall Partner - Co-defendant of the same crime.

Featherwood - A white female prisoner.

Folgers - Refers to any coffee, not just to Folgers.

Freepass -When a guard lets a prisoner get away with
something that would normally result in a write up

70
Freeworld, Street, World -The world outside of prison

Get 'Cho Bang On, Get 'Cho Paper -Take care of busi-
ness, handle up, fight, exercise (this phrase has
several meanings depending on where you are andwhat
you are doing at the time).

Gettin' Rec -To fight for no reason other than to fight
Gettin' Short, Shorty - Someone close to being released
Girl, Kid, Punk - Homosexual.

Gladiator -A prisoner, usually a youngster, who fights
all the time to prove his manhood or justtohave fun

Gladiator Fights - Fights that are staged by guards for
their enjoyment.

Go Blow Your Nose -To tell someone to get out of your
business. *

Goin' To The 7-11 -Going to the prison commissary.

Goon Squad - A squad of officers who handles riots, or
other disturbances. Sometimes refered to as the SORT

team. Special Operations Response Team.
Hack - Horse's Ass Carrying Keys.

Hidin' In The Cage - An officer who hides in the secu-
rity picket during trouble, or a prisoner who hides
in his cell during trouble.

High Cappin’ - Bragging.
Hittin' The Fence -To escape.

Homeboy, Homie - Usually refers to someone from your
hometown. Can also mean someone from the same crew

Ink, Tack, Tat -Tattoos.

Inmate - Someone, usually a first timer, who doesn't
now how to do their time, or how the prison system
works. Someone who isn't schooled in convict rules.

Ironpile, Ironpit -Weights used for exercise.

Jacket - Reputation.

Jackin' -To steal something, usually by force.
Jailhouse Lawyer, Writ Writer ~A prisoner who studies

71
the law and helps other prisoners with their cases,
or helps others fight the prison system.

Johnny Cochran -What a black jailhouse lavyer iscalled
Kite - Letter or note.
Kojaks - Tootsie pops.

Last Walk, Long Walk, Walkin' The Mile - Death row pri
soner walking to the death chamber.

Lil' Bossman -A prisoner who acts like a prison guard

Lockdown - Confinement to cells, usually during an em-
ergency or other disturbances.

Mark, Trick - Someone who is easy to con.

Matchbox - The amount of marijuna that will fit inside
a matchbox.

Maytag - Someone, usually a punk, who washes other peo
ple's clothes to make money.

Mud - Coffee.
P.C. - Protective Custody.

Pay Rent, Ridin' -To pay protection or to be underthe
protection of another.

Peckerwood, Wood -A white male prisoner.

PHU - Protective Housing Unit. Where P.C. prisonersare
housed.

Pigeon, Rat, Snitch-An informant.
Playing On Ass - Gambling with no money.

Politician, Puppet Master - Someone who has the conne-
ctions or can pull strings to get something done.

Postal, Wacked Out - Crazy.
Pull A Card -To find out information about someone.

Racktime - Time when prisoners are locked in theircells
Rest Your Neck - Shut up.

Ridin' The Rack - Sitting or laying on your bunk.

Robocop - An officer who goes strictly by the book and
usually writes alot of disciplinary cases.

72
Run A Line - To move something on a line such as maga-
zines, kites, etc., from one cell to another. The
line is made out of tnread twisted and tied together

Running Court - When a prisoner breaks a convict rule,
his own people (race or gang) will discipline him.

Rustler- A scavenger.

Schooled - A prisoner who has been taught the rules of
prison life or of the gang that they belong to.

Seven Eleven, Stop n Go- The prison commissary.

Shank, Steel- A veapon, usually a sharpened steel rod
or homemade knife.

Shit 'Em Down- To throw a correcticnal cocktailon an-
other person.

Shootin' The Front Door - Sameone leaving prisonby the
front door after being released.

Shot Of Dope- A cup of coffee, or enough coffes for a
cup.

Shot, Ticket, Write Up- A disciplinary report.

Split His Wig Open-To hit someone in the head so hard
that it splits their head open.

Spread- A meal made from commissary food ina person's
cell.

Spread Your Hustle- Don't borrow from the same people
all of the time.

Square - A cigarette or joint.

Stand Up Guy, Stay Down Guy - A prisoner whowill fight
back and can be depended on by his partners.

Starch n Irons- A prisoner's best clothes, usually re
served for visits.

Stingers - An immersion heater used to heat up water.

Tack Head - A tattoo artist or a person who hasalot of
tattoos.

Talkin' Out The Side Of Your Neck - Lying/bullshitting
That's Dead - No.
That's Lame - No Good. That's bullshit.

ERY
That's Straight - Yes.

The Green Room- Death chamber. A lot of prison death
chanbers are painted green, such as the one inTexas

The Shoe (SHU) - Security Housing Unit.

Tumn Out - To rape another prisoner.

‘Walkin' Papers - Release papers.

Wham Wnams - Cookies.

White Boy- A derogatory temm for a white prisoner.

200 2008 - Any kind of candy, usually a hardcandy such
as Jolly Ranchers.

This is just a small selection of the prison slang
words and phrases that you might hear in any prison.
Some might be heard nationally, whereas others might
only be regional or even just local. Likeany language
it is constantly changing and evolving. Some of these
words may have different meanings in other states, or
they might not even be used at all. Some of them may
even be out of date by the time you read this.

74
PN
MERTURNDISE

profibe from merohandise sales go to
ku,“ohhq“umfloobm
All books are $10 2nd $2 shipping for
first TR books add €1 esoh book aftec
obeaper than yov will find ab any
oorporate ohain sbore.). Stiokers are §1
e2oh. Send well concealed oash, oheok,
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The Black Panthers speak. No thore prisons
By Phillp S. Foner By Wiliam Upski Wimsort
RECIPES PROM INSIDE THE BIG HOUSE

These recipes vere sutmitted by prisoners from
a1l across America, sc now all of you freewor
£olks can eat the same vay that prisoners fror
a1l across the-country do everyday!

This 500k has just sbout every kind of recipe
that scmecne might vant, from breakfast to those
ecessary late snacks and even scme stuff

t you might not believe!

LOOK AT WHAT IS INCLUDED

*Breakfast *Beverages
*Snacks & Treats »ain Meals -
*Gravies & Sauces *Tuna & Mackerel

*Strange and Unusual Stuff

uded is a glossary of prison

that all of you freeworid people can talk just

tike a real convict vhile you chow down on ai
P ite prison spreads.

ALL PROCEADS 60 TO SUPPORT PANS
BOOKS 4 PRISONERS PROGRAM. THE
PURCHASE OF THIS ZINE WILL PAY FOR 1

PRISONER BOOK PACKAGE. -THAUK Y04/