#title RNC/DNC 2009
#subtitle Document One
#author CrimethInc.
#SORTtopics RNC 2008, DNC, St. Paul
#date May 5, 2009
#source Retrieved on 9<sup>th</sup> November 2020 from [[https://crimethinc.com/2009/05/05/rncdnc-2009-document-one][crimethinc.com]]
#lang en
#pubdate 2020-11-09T12:05:58



<strong><em>This is what I always meant by “ambitious hedonism.”</em></strong>

<strong>I’ve been looking for any excuse to be with you.</strong> I am so glad to see you here in St. Paul.
<br>
It’s been too long.

What started as <strong>idle flirtation</strong> has become <strong>full blown lust</strong>. To be honest, sometimes I can’t get you out of my head. Your energy and smile, <strong>the way your body moves with mine</strong>. I remember the first time we looked each other in the eyes. You had a <strong>spark</strong>. I was hooked.

<strong>Why else</strong> would I have shown up to all those <strong>boring fucking meetings</strong>? Why else would I sit around outside dumpsters late at night, hoping you’d appear? I used to see you everywhere—the potluck, the shows, the <strong>street parties</strong>. But once all those <strong>fell apart</strong> we completely lost touch…

I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you like this, a bandana on your face and a scowl in your eyes. My old, familiar <strong>instincts</strong> return at the sight of you.
<br>
I can tell you <strong>exactly</strong> how many times I’ve <strong>dreamed</strong> of this moment.

No, let’s <strong>forget the past</strong>, now that we’re both together…
<br>
My heart is beating through my chest. <strong>I feel alive again</strong>.
<br>
<strong>Something real is happening.</strong>

To be honest, I’m <strong>terrified</strong>, but I’m not afraid of arrest or pain. What really scares me is the possibility of missing out on these moments with you. Not taking <strong>enough</strong> chances. Not pushing ourselves to take the risks <strong>we know are within our abilities</strong>.

What is it we are hoping for? Why <strong>exactly</strong> are we here?

If I can <strong>shred all inhibitions</strong> with your eyes on me,
<br>
can I do the same before the eyes of a thousand pigs and friends?

If we can <strong>trust our desires</strong> when you’re in my arms,
<br>
will it help us to do the same when you’re in the arms of the pigs?

<strong>Your grip</strong> on my wrists has always been strong, but you always stop when I say to.
<br>
If we find ourselves in this compromising position this week, <strong>please god don’t let go</strong>.
<br>
I only enjoy handcuffs with you.

We know how to keep secrets. You’ve allowed me to be myself like no one else has. I am excited by the chance to <strong>share our bodies</strong> with all these people. I want to push myself beyond the brink, beyond my own fears and hesitations. I want to <strong>turn the world upside down</strong> and <strong>show those motherfuckers</strong> we’ve finally gone past the point of no return
<br>
<strong>and we’re taking their whole rotten system with us.</strong>

Before we go out this morning, <strong>kiss me</strong> like I’ll never see you again.

While we’re <strong>separated</strong>… whenever I’m in <strong>danger</strong>… whenever I’m in <strong>ecstasy</strong>…
<br>
<strong>I’ll be thinking of you.</strong>

<em>— from a handbill distributed anonymously at the convergence center in St. Paul in the days leading up to the RNC</em>