A Mother’s Tale
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A Mother’s Tale BY JAMES AGEE “The calf ran up the hill as fast as he could and scopped sharp. “Mama!” he cried, all out of breath. “What i ie! What are they doing! Where are they going? Other spring calves came galloping too. “They all were looking up at her and awaiting her explanation, but she looked out ver their excited eyes. As she watched the mysterious and majestic thing they had never seen before, her own eyes became even more than ordinarily seill and during the considerable moment before she answered, she scarcely heard their urgent questioning. Far out along the autumn plain, beneath the sloping light, an immense drove of cardle moved eastward. They went at a walk, not very fast, but faster than they could imaginably enjoy. Those i front were compelled by those behind; those at the rear, with few exceptions, did their best to keep up; those who were locked within the herd could no more help moving than the parciles nside a falling rock. Men on horses rode ahead, and alongside, and behind, or spurred their horses incensely back and forth, keeping the pace steady, and the herd in shape; and from man to man a dog sped back and forch., incessanely as a shurdle, barking, incessandy, in a hysterical voice. Now and then one of the men shouted fercely,and thislike the shrieking of the dog was tinily audible above low and awesome sound which seemed to come no from the multitude of hooves but from the center of the world, and above the sporadic baw lings and bellowings of the herd. From the hillsde this tumult was so distan that it only made more delicate the prodigious silence in which the carth and sky were held: and, from the i, the sight was as modest s its sound. The herd was viecually hidden in the dust it raised and could be known) in general, only by the horns which pricked this flac sunlic duse like licl briar. In one place a twist of the air revealed the trembling fabric of many backs: but it was only along the near edge of the mass that individual animals were discernible, small in a driven frize, walking fast, scumbling AMOTHER’S TA
and recovering, tossing their armed heads, or opening their skulls heavenward in one of those eries which reached the hillside long afier the jaws were shu From where she watched, the mother could no be sure whether there were any she recognized. She knew that among them there must be 2 son of hers; she had not seen him since some previous spring, and she would not be secing him again. Then the cries of the young ones impinged on her bemusement: “Where arc. they going?” She looked into their ignorant eyes. “Away” she said “Where?” they cried. “Where? Where?" her own son cried again. She wondered what to say: “On alongjourney” “But where 102" they shouted. “Yes, where f0?" her son exclaimed; -and she could see that he was losing his patience with her,as he always did when he felt she was “I’m not sure? she said. “Their silence was so cold that she was unable to avoid their eyes for long, “Well, not reallysure. Because, you see she said in her most reasonable tone, T’ve never seen it with my own eyes,and that’ the only way to be suresion’r e “They just kept looking at her. She could see no way out. “Buc I’ve heard bout it she said with shallow cheerfulness, “from those who have seen it, and 1 don’tsuppose there’s any good reason to doub them.” She looked away over them again, and for all their interest in what she was about 0 tell them, her eyes so changed that they tured and looked too. “The herd, which had been moving broadside to them, was being turned away, so slowly that like the turning of stars it could not quite be scen from one moment 0 the next; yet soon it was moving directly away from them, and even during the liede while she spoke and they all watched aftr it, it steadily and very noriceably diminished, and the sounds of it as well It happens always about this time of year; she said quietly while they watched. ‘Nearly all the men and horses leave, and go into the North and the West” “Out on the range” her son said, and by his voice she knew what enchantment the idea already held for him. “Yes? she said, “out on the range.” And trying, impossibl, to imagine the range, they were touched by the breath of grandeur. “And then before long she continued, “everyone has been found, and brought into one place; and then.. what you see, happens. All of them. “Sometimes when the wind is right she said more quiecly, “you can hear them cominglong before you can see them It isn’t even like a sound, at first. Its more. as if something were moving far under the ground. It makes you uneasy. You wonder, why what in the world can that be! Then you remember what it s and then you can really hear it. And then finall,chere they al are” She could see this did not interest them acal. “But where are they going?” James Ae
one asked, lcde impatiently. “I’m coming to that” she saids and she lc chem wait. Then she spoke slowly but casually “Theyare on their way to a railroad” “There,she thoughts thars or that look you all gave me, “Then I said I wasn’t sure. She waited for them to ask; they waited for her to explain. “A railroad”she told them, “is great hard bars of metal lying side by side, or so they tell me, and they go on and on over the ground as far as the eye can see. And great wagons run on the metal bars on wheels, like wagon wheels but smaller, and these wheels are made ofsolid metal too. The wagons are much bigger than any wagon you’ve ever scen, as big as, big as sheds, they say, and they are pulled along on the iron bars by a terrible huge dark macl “Bigas sheds?” one of the calves said skeprically “Big enough, anyway” the mother said. ™ told you I’ve never seen it myself. Bu withaloud those wagons are so big that several of us can get inside at once. And thar’s exactly what happens”’ Suddenly she became very quict, for she fele that somehow, she could not imagine just how, she had said alcogether too much “Well, swhat happens?” her son wanted to know. ’ What do you mean, happens?” She always ied hard to be a reasonably modern mother. It was probably beteer, she felt, to go on, than t0 leave them all full of imaginings and mystification. Besides, there was really nothing ac all awful about what happened ... if only one ld know why. “Wel,she said,ics nothing much, really. They just—why when they all inally get there, why there are all the great cars wairing in a long line, and the big dark machine isup ahead ... smoke comes out of i, they say .. . and . . . well, then, they just put us inco the wagons, just as many as will it in each wagon, and when everybody is in, why ..” She hesitaed, for again, though she could’ be sure why. she was uneasy. “Why then? her son said, “the train takes them away” Hearing that word, she flt a finching of the heart, Where had he picked it up, she wondered, and she gave him a shy and curious glance. Oh dear, she thought T should never have even begun to exphain. “Yes? she said, “when everybody is safelyin,chey slide the doors shut” “They were all silent for a licde while. Then one of them asked thoughtfully, “Ate they taking them somewhere they don’t wan to go?” “Oh, I don’c think so?”the mother said. “T imagine is very nice.”*I want o go!” she heard her son say with ardor. I want to go right now? he cried. “Can I, Mama? Can’2 Please?” And looking nto his cyes,she was overwhelmed by sadness. “Silly ching she said, “there’l be time enough for that when you’re grown up. But whae I very much hope;” she went on, “is that instead of being chosen to AMOTHER’S TA
6 goout on the range and to make the long journey, you will grow up to be very. strong and brighe so chey will decide that you may stay here at home with Mother. And you, too;” she added, speaking to the other licle males; but she could not honestly wish chis for any bue her own, least of all for the eldest, strongest and most proud, for she knew how few are chosen. She could see that what she said was not received with enthusiasm. “Bue I want to go? her son said." “Why?" she asked. “I don’c think any of you realize that it’s a great Jomor to be chosen to stay. A great privilege. Why,isjust the most ordinary ones are taken out onto the range. But only the very pick are chosen to stay here. at home. IF you want to go out on the range” she said in hurried and happy inspiracion, “all you have o do is be ordinary and careless and sill. If you want to have even a chance o be chosen to say, you have totry to be stronger and bigger and braver and. brighter than anyone else, and that takes hard work. Every day. Do you see?” And she looked happily and hopefully from one to another. “Besides” she added, aware. that they were not won over, “T’m old i’ very rough lie out there, and the men are unkind” “Don’e you see” she said again; and she precended to speak to all of them, but it was only to her son. Buc he only looked at her. “Why do you want me to stay home?” he asked flady; in theie slence she knew the others were asking the same question. “Because it’s safe here? she said before she knew betters and realized that she had put it in the most unfortunate way possible. “Not safe, not just that she fumbled, I mean... because here we kuow what happens, and whar’s going t0 happen, and there’s never any doube about it, never any reason to wonder, 0 worry. Don’t you see? It just Home? and she put asimile on the word, “where weall know cach other and are happy and well” “They were so merely quie, looking back at her, that she fele they were neither won over nor alienated. Then she knew of her son that he, anyhow, was most certinly not persuaded, for he asked the question she most dreaded, “Where do. they go on the train?” And hearing him, she knew that she would stop at nothing 0 bring that curiosity and eagerness and that tendency toward skepicism within bounds. “Nobody knows? she said, and added, in just the tone she knew would most sharply engage them, “Not for sure, anyway.” “What do you mean, nor for sure” her son cried. And the oldest, biggest alf repeated the question, his voice eracking. “The mother deliberately kepe silence as she gazed out over the plain, and while she was silent they all heard the last they would ever hear of all those who were. ‘going away, one lase great ery, as faint almost as a breath, the infinitesimal jabbing vicuperation of the dog; the solemn muttering of the earch. “Well? she said, after even chis sound was entirely lost, “there was one who James Ae
came back” Their instant, rustful eyes were too much for her. She added, “Or so. they say” “They gathered alitle more closely around her, for now she spoke very quietly “It was my greatgrandmother who cold me? she said. “She was told it by her great-grandmother, who claimed she saw ic with her own eyes, though of I can’e vouch for thar. Because of course I wasn’t even dreamed of then, and Great-grandmother was so very very old you sce, that you couldn’t always be sure she knew quite what she was saying” Now thatshe begun to remember it more clearly,she was sorey she had commited herself o telling i “Yes? she said “the scory i, there was one, just one who ever came back, and he told what happened on the rain, and where the train went and what happened afier He told icallin a rush, they say,the last things irst and every which way, but as it was finally sorted out and goeten into order by those who heard it and those who they told it to,thisis more o less what happened “He said that afier the men had gotten as many of us s they could inco the car he wasin, 50 that their sides pressed tightly together and nobody could lie down, they slid the doors shut with a scartling racle and bang, and then there was a sudden jerk, so strong they might have fallen except that they were packed so closely togerher, and the car began to move again. You sce, they were just moving up the next car that was joined on behind, to put more of us inco it. He could see it all berween the boards of the car, because the boards were buile aletle apart from each other, to et n air” Car,her son said again o himself. Now he would never forget that word. “He said that then for the first cime in his lfe, he became very badly frightened, he didn’t know why. But he was sure that there was something dreadfully to be aftaid of. The others fle this same geeat fear. They called out loudly to those who were being pu inco the car behind, and the ochers called back, but it was no uses those who were getting aboard were between narrow white fences and then were walking up a narrow slope and the men kept jabbing them as they do when they are. in an unkind humor, and there was no way to go but onto the car. There was no way 0 get out of the car either: he tied with al his might, and he was the one nearest the door. “After the next car behind was full, and he door was shu, the train jerked forward again, and scopped again, and they put more of us inco sill another car, and so on, and on, until allthe stating and stopping no longer frightened anybody: it was just something uncomforeable that was never going to stop, and they began instead to realize how hungry and thirsty they were. But there was no food and no water, 50 they just had o put up with this; and about the time they became resigned 0 going without their suppers (for now it was almost dark), they heard a sudden AMOTHER’S TA
and cerrible scream which frightened them even more deeply than anything had frightened them before, and the train began to move again, and they braced their legs once more for the jolt when it would stop, bu this dme, instead of stopping, it began to go fast, and then even faster, so fast that the ground nearby sld past like a flooded creck and the whole country, he caimed, began to move too, turningslowly around a far mounain as if it were all one great wheel And then there was 2 strange Kind of disturbance inside the car, he said, or even inside his very bones. He fele as if everythingin him was falling, asifhe had been filled full of a heavy liquid that all wanted to flow one way, and all the others were leaning as he was leaning, away from this queer heaviness that was erying to pull them over, and then just as suddenly chisleaning heaviness was gone and they nearly fell again before they could stop leaning against it. He could never understand what this was, but it too happened so many times that they all got us ed toit just as they got used to secing the country turn like a slow wheel, and just as they got used to the long cruel screams of the, engine, and the steady iron noise beneath them which made the cold, darkness so fearsome, and the hunger and the thirst and the continual standing up, and the moving on and on and on as if they would never stop.” “Did’ they ever stop?” one asked. “Once in a grea while;” she replied. “Each time they did” she said, “he though, Oh, now at ast! At last we ean get out and seretch our tired legs and lie down! Ar Last we’ll b given food and water! But they never let them out. And they never gave. them food or water. They never cleaned up under them. They had to stand in their manure and in the water they made” “Why did the tain stop?” her son asked; and with somber gratification she saw that he was takingal this very much to heart. “He could never understand why_ she said. "Sometimes men would walk up and down alongside the cars, and the more. nervous and the more trustful of us would call out; but they were only looking around, they never seemed to do anything. Sometimes he could see many houses and bigger buildings togecher where people lived. Sometimes it was far out in the country and after they had stood stil for a long time they would heara ltcle noise. which quickly became louder, and then beeame suddenly a noise so loud it would stop their breathing, and duringthis noise something black would go by, very close and so fast it couldn’ be seen. And then it was gone as suddenly a i had appearet and the noise became small, and then in the silence theis train would start up again. “Once, he tells us, something very strange happened. They were standing sill, and cars of a very different kind began to move slowly past. These cars were not red., bue black, with many glass windows like those in a house; and he says they were as full of human beings as the car he was in was full of our kind. And one of these people looked into his eyes and smiled, as if he liked him, or as if e knew only too. well how hard the journey was. “S0 by his account it happens to them, too? she said, with a certain pleased vindictiveness. “Only they were sicting down at their case, not standing. And the
one who smiled was eating” She was sill,rying to think of something: she couldn’e quite grasp the thought. “Bue didn’t they ever let them out?” her son asked. The oldest calf jeered. “Of course they did. He came back, didnt he? How would he ever come back ifhe didn’eget our?” “They didn’ let them our” she said, “for along, long e’ “How long?” “So0 long, and he was so tired, he could never quite be sure. But he said that it turned from night to day and from day to night and back again several tmes over, with the train moving nearly all of this time, and that when i¢ finally stopped, early ‘one morning, they were all o tired and so discouraged that they hardly even noticed any longer, let alone fele any hope that anything, would change for them, ever again; and then all of a sudden men came up and put up a wide walk and unbarred the door and slid it open, and it was the most wonderful and happy moment of hislfe when he saw the door open, and walked into the open air with all hisjoints trembling, and drank the water and ate the delicious food they had ready for him; it was worth the whole terrible journey.” Now that these scenes came clear before her, there was a faraway shining in her eyes,and her voice, oo, had something i it of the faraway. “When they had eaten and drunk all they could hold they lfied up their heads and looked around, and everything they saw made them happy: Even the trains made them cheerful now, for now they were no longer afaid of them. And though these wains were forever breaking to pieces and joining again with other broken picees,with shuffings and clashings and rude cries,they hardly paid them ateention any more, they were so pleased to be in their new home, and so surprised and delighted to find they were among thousands upon thousands of strangers of their ‘own kind, al lfting up their voices in peacefulness and thanksgiving, and they were. 5o wonderstruck by all they could see,it was so beautifl and so grand. “For he has told us that now they lived among fences as white as bone, so many, and so spiderishly complicated, and shining so pure, that there’ no use trying even 0 hint a the beauy and the splendor of it to anyone who knows only the pitiful liele outfieing of a ranch. Beyond these mazy fences, hrough the dark and bright smoke which continually turned along the sunligh, dark buildings stood shoulder 0 shoulder in a wall as huge and proud as mountains. All through the air, all the time,there was an iron humming like the humming of the iron bar afier it has been struck to tll the men it is time to cat, and in all the air,all the time, there was that same strange kind of iron strengeh which makes the silence before lightning so different from all other silence. “Once for a liele while the wind shified and blew over them suaight from the grear buildings, and it brought a strange and very powerful smell which confused and distarbed them. He could never quite describe this smell, but he has told us it was unlike anything he had ever known before. It smelled like old fire, he said, and old blood and fear and darkness and sorrow and most terible and brutal force AMOTHER’S TA 9
10 and something else, something in it that made him want to run away. This sudden uneasiness and this wish to run away swep through every one of them, he tells s, o that they were all moved at once as reslessly 2s so many leaves in a wind, and there was great worry in their voices. But soon the leaders among them concluded that it was simply the way men muse smell when there are a great many of them living togerher. Those dark buildings must be crowded very full of men, they decided, probably as many thousands of them indoors, as there were of us, outdoors; s it was no wonder their smell was so strong and, to our kind, so unpleasant. Besides, it was so clear now in every other way that men were not as we had always supposed, but were doing everything they knew how to make us comfortable and happy, that we ought o just put up with their smell, which aftr all they couldn’t help, any more. than we could help our own. Very likely men didn’ like the way we smelled, any mote than we liked theirs. They passed along these ide s to the others and soon everyone felt more calm, and chen the wind changed again, and the firce smell no longer came to them, and the smel of their own kind was back again very strong of course, in such a crowd, but ever so homey and comforting, and everyone felt casy again. “They were fed and watered so generously, and ereated so well and the majesty and the loveliness of this place where they had all come to rest was so far beyond anything they had ever known or dreamed of, that many of the simple and ignoran, whose memories were short, began to wonder whether that whole difficult journey, or even their whole lives up to now, had ever really been. Hadn’ it all been just shadows,they murmured, just a bad dream?” “Even the sharp ones, who knew very wel it had all really happened, began to figure that everyehing up to now had been made so full of pain only so that all they had come to now might seem all the sweeter and the more glorious. Some of the oldest and deepest were even of mind that all the puzzle and tribulation of the journey had been sent to us as kind of harsh trying or proving of our worthiness: and dhat it was entirely fitcing and proper that we could earn our way through to such rewards as these, only through suffering, and through being patient under pain which was beyond our understanding: and that now at the last, to those who. had bome allthings well, all things were made known; for the mystery of suffering stood revealed in joy. And now as they looked back over all that was past, all their sorrows and bewilderments scemed so litcle and so feeting thar, from the simplest among them even to the most wise,they could feel only the kind of amused pity we feel coward the very young when, with the first thing that hurcs them or they are forbidden, they are sure there is nothing kind or fai in all ereation, and carry on accordingly, aving and grieving a f thei hearcs would break” She glanced among them with an indulgent smile, hoping the litle esson would sink home. They seemed interested but somewhat dazed. I’m talking way over their heads, she realized. But by now she herself was too deeply absorbed in her story to modify it much. Let it be, she thoughr, a litle impatiens it is over uy head, for that James Ae
“They had hardly before this even wondered that they were alive she went on, and now all of asudden they felt they understood why they were. This made them very happy, bu they were sl only beginning to enjoy this new wisdom when quite a new and differen kind of restiveness ran among them. Before they quite knew it they were all moving once again, and now they realized that they were being moved, ‘once more, by men, toward stll some other place and purpose they could not know: But during these last hours they had been so well chat now they felt no uneasiness, e has cold butall moved forward calm and sure toward better things still o come: s that he no longer felt as f he were being driven, even as it became clear thar they were going toward the shade of those great buildings - bue guided. “He was guided between fences which stood ever more and more narrowly near each other, among companions who were pressed ever more and more closely against ‘oneanother; and now s he felt heir warmeh against him it was not uncomfortable, and his pleasure in it was not through any need to be close among others through ansiousness, but was 2 new kind of strong and gentle delight,at being o vry close,so decply of his own kind, that e scemed as f the very breath and heartbeat of each one were being exchanged through all that multicude, and each was another, and others were cach, and cach was a multitude, and the multitude was one. And quicted and made mild wichin this melting, they now entered the cold shadow cast by the buildings, and now with every step the smell of the buildings grew stronger, and the darkening air the glitering of the fences was ever more queer. “And now as they were pressed ever more intimately together he could see ahead of him a nartow gate, and he was strongly pressed upon from eicher side and from behind, and went in cagerly, and now he was beeween two fences so narrowly set that he brushed either fence with cither Rank, and walked alone, secing just one other ahead of him, and knowing ofjust one other behind him, and for 2 moment the strange thought came to him, that the one ahead was his Facher, and that the one behind was the son he had never begorten. “And now the light was so changed that he knew he must have come inside one: of the gloomy and enormous buildings, and the smell was so much seronger that it seemed almost to burn his nostrls and the smell and the somber new light blended togerher and became some other thing again, beyond his describing to s excep to say that the whole air bear with it like one immense heare and it was as if the beating of this heart were pure violence infinitely manifolded upon violence: so that the uneasy fecling stied in him again that it would be wise to. turn around and run out of this place jus as fast and asfar-asever he could go. This he heard, as fF he were telling it o himselFat the top of his voice, but it came from somewhere so deep and so dark inside him that he could only hear the shouting of it as lss than a whisper, as just a hot and chilling breath, and he scarcely heeded it there was so much else to attend co. “For as he walked along in this sudden and complete loneliness, h tells us, his wonderful knowledge of being one with allhis race meant less and les to him, and. AMOTHER’S TA
12 in s place came something il more wonderful: he knew what it was to be himself alone, a ereature separate and different from any other, who had never been before, and would never be again. He could feel chis in his whole weight as he walked, and in each foot as he put it down and gave his weight to it and moved above it, and in every muscle s he moved, and it was a pride which lifted him up and made him feel large, and a pleasure which pierced him through. And as he began with such wondering delight to be aware of his own exact singleness in this world, he also began to understand (or so he thought) just why these fences were set so very narrow, and just why he was walking all by himself. It scole over him, he tells us,ike the fecling of a slow cool wind, that he was being guided toward some still more wonderful eward or revealing, up ahead, which he could not of course imagine, but he was sure it was being held n store for him alone.” Just then the one ahead of him fell down with a great sigh, and was so quickly taken out of the way that he did not even have to shif the order of his hooves as he walked on. The sudden fal and the sound of that sigh dismayed him, though, and something within him told him that it would be wise to look up: and there he saw Him. “Alitcle bridge ran crosswise above the fences. He stood on this bridge with His feet as wide apart as He could st them. He wore spartered trousers but from the belt up He was naked and as wet as rain. Both arms were raised high above His head and in both hands He held an enormous Hammer. With a grunt which was hadly like the voice of a human being, and with all His srengeh, He brought his Hammer down inco the forehead of our friend: who, in a blinding blazing, heard from his ‘own mouth the beginning of a gasping sigh: then there was only darkness” Oh, this is enough! s enough! she cried out within herself,secing their errible young eyes. How could she have been so foolish as to tell so much! “What happened then?” she heard, in the voice of the oldest calf, and she was horrifed. This shining in their eyes: was it only excitement? no pity? no fear? “What happened?” two others asked. Very well, she said to herself I’ve gone so far; now Ill go the rest of the way: She decided not to soften i either. She’d teach them lesson they wouldn’t forget in a hurry. “Very well? she was surprised to hear herselfsay aloud. “How long he lay in this darkness he couldne know; but when he began to come outofit, all e knew was the most unspeakable dreadful pain. He was upside down and very slowly swinging and turning, for he was hanging by the tendons of b is heels from great figheful hooks, and he has told us that the fecling was as if his hide were being torn from him inch by inch, in one picce. And then as he became more clearly aware he found that this was exacdy what was happening. Knives would slver and lice along both flanks, becween the hide and the lving lesh; then there was a moment of most precious relef; then red hands seized his hide and there wasa jerking of the hide and a earing of tissue which it was almost s terrible 0 hear s o feel curning his whole body and the poor head at the bottom of it; and James Ae
then the knives again “It was so far beyond anything he had ever known, unnatural and amazing, that he hung there through several more such slcing and jerkings and eearings before he was fully able to take i allin: then with a scream, and a supreme seraining of all his strengeh, he ore himself from the hooks and collapsed sprawling to the floor and, serambling right to his feet, charged the men with the knives. For just a moment they were so astonished and so terrified they could not move. Then they moved faster than he had ever known men could—and so did all the other men who chanced to be in his way. He ran down a glowing floor of blood and down endless corridors which were hung with bleeding carcasses of our kind and with bleeding fragments of carcasses, among blood-clothed men who carried bleeding weapons and out of that vast room into the open, and over and through one fence. afier another,shoving aside many an astounded stranger and shouting out warnings as he ran, and away up the railroad toward the West “How he ever managed to get away, and how he ever found his way home, we can only try to guess. I told that o this part of his sory. He was impatient with those who interrupted him to ask scarcely knew, himself, by the time he came about that,he had so much more important things to tell them, and by then he was 5o exhausted and so far gone that he could say nothing very clear about the liule he did know. But we can realize that he must have had reall tremendous strengeh, otherwise he couldn’t have outlived the Hammer; and that strengeh such as his— which we simply don’ sce these days ‘own strongest and bravest would sicken to dream of. But there was something even €5 ofthe olden time—is capable of things our stronger than his strengeh. There was his righteous fury, which nothing could stand. up against, which brought him out of that fearful place. And there was his high and burning and heroic purpose, to keep him safe along the way, and to guide him home, and to keep the breath of life in him uncil he could warn us. He did manage 0 tell s that he just followed the railroad, bue how he chose one among the many which branched out from that place, he couldn’tsay. He told us, oo, that from time. 0 time he recognized shapes of mountains and other landmarks, from his journey by erain,all eappearing backward and with a changed look and hard to see,too (for hewas shrewd enough to ravel mosdly at nighe), but scll recognizable. But that sn’c enough to account for it. For he has told us, too, that he simply nerw the ways that he didn’ hesitate one moment in choosing the righline of railroad, or even think of it as choosing; and that the landmarks didn’ereall guide him, but just made him the more sure of what he was already sure of; and tha whenever he did encounter human beings—and during the late stages of his journey, when he began to doubt he would live o tellus, h traveled day and night— they never so much as moved to make him trouble, but stopped dead in their tracks, and their jaws fel open. “And surely we cant wonder that their jaws fel open. I’m sure yours would, if you had scen him as he arrived, and I’m very glad I wasn’ there to sec i, cither, even thoughicis said to be the greatest and most momentous day of al the days that ever were or shall be. For we have the testimony of eyewitnesses, how he looked, and it AMOTHER’S TA
i is only to0 vivid, even to hear of. He came up out of the Ease as much staggering as galloping (for by now he was s0 worn out by pain and exertion and loss of blood that he could hardly stay uprigh), and his heels were so piteously torn by the hooks that his hooves doubled under more ofien than not, and in his broken forchead the mark of the Hammer was like the socke for a hird ey “He came to the meadow where the great trees made shade over the water. Bring them al ogecher!” he cried out, as soon as he could find breath. ‘All? Then he drank; and then he began to speak to those, who were already there: for as soon as he saw himselfin the water it was as clear to him as it was to those who watched him that there was no time lft to send for the others. His hide was all gone from his head and his neck and his forelegs and his chest and most of one side and a pare of the other side. It was flung backward from his naked muscles by the wind of his cunning and now i lay around him in the duselke a ragged garment. They say there is no imagining how terrible and in some way how grand the eyeball is when the skin has been taken entirely from around ic his eyes, which were bare in this way, also burned with pain, and with the final energies of his lfe, and with his desperate concern to warn us while he could; and he rolled his eyes wildly while he talked, or looked piercingly from one to an- other of thelisteners,interrupring himself o ery out, ‘Believe me, O, believe et For it had evidendly never ocurred to him that he. might not be believed, and muse make this last great effor,in addition to all he had gone through for us,co make himself believed; so that he groaned with sorrow and. with rage and railed at them without tact or mercy for their slowness to believe, He. had scarcely what you could calla voice lei, bue with chis relc of a voice he shouted and bellowed and bullied us and insulted us,in the agony of his concern. While he talked he bled from the mouth, and the mingled blood and saliva hung from his chin lke the beard of a goar. “Some say that with his naked face, and his savage eyes, and his beard and the hide lying off his bare shoulders like shabby clothing, he looked almost human. But others feel this is an irreverence even to think; and others, that ic s a poor compliment to pay the one who told us,at such cost to himself,the true uldimate purpose of Man. Some did not believe he had ever come from our ranch in the firs place, and of course he was so different from us in appearance and even in his Voice, and so changed from what he might ever have looked or sounded ke before, that nobody could recognize him for sure, though some were sure they did. Others suspeeted that he had been sent among us with his story for some mischicvous and eruel purpose, and the fact that they could not imagine what this purpose might be, Made them, naturally. allthe more suspicious. Some believed he was actually a man, erying—and none too successfully they said—to disguise himselfas one of us; and again the fact that they could not imagine why a man would do this, made them all the more uneasy. There were quite a few who doubted that anyone who could getin such bad condition as he was in was fi even to give relable information, let alone. advice, to those in good health. And some whispered while he spoke, that he had turned lunatic; and many came to believe this. It wasn’t only that his story was so James Ae
fantastics there was good reason to wonder, many felt, whether anybody in his right mind would go to such trouble for others. But even those who did not believe him listened incencly, out of curiosity to hear so wild a tle, and out of the respect it is only proper to show any creature who is i the last agony: “What he told was what I have just told you. Bu his purpose was away beyond just the telling. When they asked questions, no matter how curious o suspicious oridle or foolish, he leaned, toward the last, o answer them with all the patience he could and in all the detail he could remember. He even invited them to cxamine his wounded heels and the pulsing wound in his head s closely as they pleased. He even begged them co, for he knerw that before everything lse, he must be believed. For unless we could believe him, wherever could we find any reason, or enough courage, to do the hard and dreadful things he told us we must dot “It was only these things, he cared abou. Only for these, he came back.” Now clarly remembering what these things were, she felt her whole being quail ‘She looked at the young ones quickly and as quickly looked away. “Whil amongus; one of them shot him. Whether he wassho in kindnes or o sience his he talked.” she went on, “and our ancestors listened, men came quietly is an endlessly disputed question which will probably never be seccled. Whether, even, he dicd of the shot, or through his own great pain and weariness (for his eyes, they say, were glazing for some time before the men came), we will never be sure. Some suppose even that he may have died of his sorrow and his concern for us. Others feel tha he had quite enough to die of without thar. All these things are tangled and lost in the disputes of those wholove to theorize and argue. There is no arguing abou his dying words, thoughs they were very clearly rememb “Tell them! Beleve!” Afier a while her son asked. “What did he ell them to do?* She avoided his eyes. “There’ a great deal of disagreement about that, too, she said after a moment. "You see, he was so very tired. “They were silent. “So tired;” she said, "some think tha toward the end, he really muse have been outof his mind." “Why?" asked her son. “Because he was so ired out and so badly hure” ‘They looked at her mistrustfully. “And because of what he told us to do” “What did he tel us to do?” her son asked again. Her throat felt ey “Just..things you can hardly bear even to think of. That’sall” “They waited. “Well, what?" her son asked in a cold accusatory voice. “Each one s himself” she said shyly. “Not ofthe herd. Himself alone’ That’s one”” “Whatelse?” ““Obey nobody. Depend on none’” “What else?” She found that she was moved. ‘Break down the fences” she sad less shyly. “Tell AMOTHER’S TA
16 everybody cveryuhere” “Where?" “Everywhere. You see, he thought there must be ever so many more of us than we had ever known.” “They were silent “What else?” her son asked “For f even afow do not hear me, or dishelieve me, we ave all betraye “Betrayed?” “He meant doing as men want us o. Not for ourselves, o the good of each other” ‘They were puzzled “Because, you see; he fele that was no other way.” Again her voice altered: “All who are put on the range are put onto rains. All who are put onto rains meet the Man Wit The Hammer: All who stay home are kept there 1o breed others to go onto the range, an so betray themselves and their kind and thei childven forever “*We are brought inco this life only to be vietims; and there s no other way for us unless we save ourselves.”™ Still chey were puzzled, she saw and no wonder, poor things. But now the ancient lines rang in her memory, cerible and brave. They made her somehow proud. She began to wan t0 say them. “Never be taken;” she said. “Never be driven. Let those who can, kill Man. Let those who cannor, avoid binn. She looked around at them. “What else?” hee son asked, and in his voice there was rising valor. She looked straight inco his eyes. “Kill the yearlings.” she said very gently. “Kill the caves.” She saw the valor leave his eyes “Kill us?” She nodded, So long as Man holds dominion over us”she said. Andiin dread and amazement she heard herself add, “Bear no young™ With this they alllooked at her at once in such a way that she loved her child, and all these others, as never before; and there dilaced within her such a sorrowful and marveling grandeur that for a moment she was nothing except her own inward whisper. “Why, T am one alone. And of the herd too. Both at once. All one.” Her son’s voice brough her back: “Did they do what he told them to do?” The oldest one scoffed, “Would we be here,ifthey had2” “They say some did, the mother replied. “Some tried. Not all” “What did the men do to them?” another asked. “Idon’t know she said. "It was such a very long ime ago.” “Do you believe it2"asked the oldest clf. “There are some who believe e she said “Doyou?" w told that far back in the wildest corners of the range there are some of us, maostly very,very old ones, who have never been taken. Its said that they meet every James Ae
50 0fien to talk and just to think togecher about the heroism and the terror of two. sublime Beings, The One Who Came Back, and The Man With The Hammer. Even here ac home, some of the old ones, and some of us who are just old fashioned, believe i, or pars of it anyway: I know there are some who say that a hollow at the center of the forchead—a sort of shadow of the Hammer’s blow—is a sign of very. special abilit. And T remember how Grear-grandmother used to sing an old, pious song, lees see now, yes, ‘Be not like dumb-driven catdl, be a hero in the srife’ But there aren’t many: Not any more” “Do you believe it?” the oldest calfnsisted; and now she was touched to realize: that every one of them, from the oldest to the youngest, needed very badly to be sure about that “Of course nor,sll” she said; and all at once she was overcome by a most curious shyness, for it occurred to her that n the course of time, this young thing might be bred to her. It justan old,old legend.” With a tender lcde laugh she added, lighly, ‘We use it to frighten children with. By now the light was long on the plain and the herd was only a fume of gold near the horizon. Behind it,dung steamed, and dust sank gently to the shattered ground. She looked far away for 2 moment, wondering, Something-it was like 2 forgotten word on the tip of the tongue. She felt the sudden chill ofthe lace aiernoon and she. wondered what she had been wondering about. “Come, children” she said briskly. s high time for supper” And she tumed avay; they followed. “The trouble was, her son was thinking, you could never teust her. If she said a thing was so she was probably jus erying to get her way with you. fshe said a hing wasn’e 50, it probably was so. But you never could be sure. Not withou secing for yourself. I’m going to go, he told himself; I don’t care what she wants. And ific isnc S0, why then Tll find out what is so. And if what she told was true, why then I’ll Know ahead of time and the one I will charge is The Man With The Hamme. Il put Him and His Hammer out of the way forever, and that will make me an even beter hero than The One Who Came Back. So, when his mother glanced at him in concern, not quite daring to ask her question, he gave her his most docile smile, and snuggled his head against her, and. she was comforted. “The leclest and youngest of them was doing double skips n his effores to keep up with her. Now that he wouldn’tbe interrupting her, and none of the big ones would hear and make fun of him, he shyly whispered his question, so warmly moisty ticklish that she fel as if he were licking her ear “Whatis it,darling?” she asked, bending down. “What’s a rain?” AMOTHER’S TA


NEVER BE TAKEN. NEVER BE DRIVEN. ccccccccccccccccc

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[ CHICAGOANARCHISTBLACKCROSS@RISEUPNET |
A Mother’s Tale

BY JAMES AGEE

“The calf ran up the hill as fast as he could and scopped sharp. “Mama!” he cried,
all out of breath. “What i ie! What are they doing! Where are they going?

Other spring calves came galloping too.

“They all were looking up at her and awaiting her explanation, but she looked
out ver their excited eyes. As she watched the mysterious and majestic thing they
had never seen before, her own eyes became even more than ordinarily seill
and during the considerable moment before she answered, she scarcely heard their
urgent questioning.

Far out along the autumn plain, beneath the sloping light, an immense
drove of cardle moved eastward. They went at a walk, not very fast, but faster
than they could imaginably enjoy. Those i front were compelled by those behind;
those at the rear, with few exceptions, did their best to keep up; those who
were locked within the herd could no more help moving than the parciles nside a
falling rock. Men on horses rode ahead, and alongside, and behind, or spurred their
horses incensely back and forth, keeping the pace steady, and the herd in shape;
and from man to man a dog sped back and forch., incessanely as a shurdle, barking,
incessandy, in a hysterical voice. Now and then one of the men shouted fercely,and
thislike the shrieking of the dog was tinily audible above low and awesome sound
which seemed to come no from the multitude of hooves but from the center of
the world, and above the sporadic baw lings and bellowings of the herd.

From the hillsde this tumult was so distan that it only made more delicate the
prodigious silence in which the carth and sky were held: and, from the i, the
sight was as modest s its sound. The herd was viecually hidden in the dust it
raised and could be known) in general, only by the horns which pricked
this flac sunlic duse like licl briar. In one place a twist of the air revealed the
trembling fabric of many backs: but it was only along the near edge of the mass that
individual animals were discernible, small in a driven frize, walking fast, scumbling

AMOTHER'S TA

and recovering, tossing their armed heads, or opening their skulls heavenward in
one of those eries which reached the hillside long afier the jaws were shu

From where she watched, the mother could no be sure whether there were any
she recognized. She knew that among them there must be 2 son of hers; she had
not seen him since some previous spring, and she would not be secing him again.
Then the cries of the young ones impinged on her bemusement: “Where arc.
they going?”

She looked into their ignorant eyes.

“Away” she said

“Where?” they cried. “Where? Where?" her own son cried again.

She wondered what to say:

“On alongjourney”

“But where 102" they shouted. “Yes, where f0?" her son exclaimed; -and she could
see that he was losing his patience with her,as he always did when he felt she was

“I'm not sure? she said.

“Their silence was so cold that she was unable to avoid their eyes for long,

“Well, not reallysure. Because, you see she said in her most reasonable tone,
T've never seen it with my own eyes,and that’ the only way to be suresion'r e

“They just kept looking at her. She could see no way out.

“Buc I've heard bout it she said with shallow cheerfulness, “from those
who have seen it, and 1 don'tsuppose there’s any good reason to doub them.”

She looked away over them again, and for all their interest in what she was about
0 tell them, her eyes so changed that they tured and looked too.

“The herd, which had been moving broadside to them, was being turned away, so
slowly that like the turning of stars it could not quite be scen from one moment
0 the next; yet soon it was moving directly away from them, and even during the
liede while she spoke and they all watched aftr it, it steadily and very noriceably
diminished, and the sounds of it as well

It happens always about this time of year; she said quietly while they watched.

‘Nearly all the men and horses leave, and go into the North and the West”

“Out on the range” her son said, and by his voice she knew what
enchantment the idea already held for him.

“Yes? she said, “out on the range.” And trying, impossibl, to imagine the range,
they were touched by the breath of grandeur.

“And then before long she continued, “everyone has been found, and brought
into one place; and then.. what you see, happens. All of them.

“Sometimes when the wind is right she said more quiecly, “you can hear them
cominglong before you can see them It isn't even like a sound, at first. Its more.
as if something were moving far under the ground. It makes you uneasy. You
wonder, why what in the world can that be! Then you remember what it s and
then you can really hear it. And then finall,chere they al are”

She could see this did not interest them acal. “But where are they going?”

James Ae
one asked, lcde impatiently.

“I'm coming to that” she saids and she lc chem wait. Then she spoke slowly but
casually

“Theyare on their way to a railroad”

“There,she thoughts thars or that look you all gave me, “Then I said I wasn't sure.
She waited for them to ask; they waited for her to explain.

“A railroad”she told them, “is great hard bars of metal lying side by side, or so
they tell me, and they go on and on over the ground as far as the eye can see.
And great wagons run on the metal bars on wheels, like wagon wheels but
smaller, and these wheels are made ofsolid metal too. The wagons are much bigger
than any wagon you've ever scen, as big as, big as sheds, they say, and they
are pulled along on the iron bars by a terrible huge dark macl

“Bigas sheds?” one of the calves said skeprically

“Big enough, anyway” the mother said. ™ told you I've never seen it myself. Bu

withaloud

those wagons are so big that several of us can get inside at once. And thar's exactly
what happens”’

Suddenly she became very quict, for she fele that somehow, she could not
imagine just how, she had said alcogether too much

“Well, swhat happens?” her son wanted to know. ' What do you mean, happens?”

She always ied hard to be a reasonably modern mother. It was probably beteer,
she felt, to go on, than t0 leave them all full of imaginings and mystification.
Besides, there was really nothing ac all awful about what happened ... if only one
ld know why.
“Wel,she said,ics nothing much, really. They just—why when they all inally
get there, why there are all the great cars wairing in a long line, and the big dark

machine

isup ahead ... smoke comes out of i, they say .. . and . . . well, then, they
just put us inco the wagons, just as many as will it in each wagon, and when
everybody is in, why ..” She hesitaed, for again, though she could' be sure why.
she was uneasy.

“Why then? her son said, “the train takes them away”

Hearing that word, she flt a finching of the heart, Where had he picked it up,
she wondered, and she gave him a shy and curious glance. Oh dear, she thought
T should never have even begun to exphain. “Yes? she said, “when everybody is
safelyin,chey slide the doors shut”

“They were all silent for a licde while. Then one of them asked thoughtfully,
“Ate they taking them somewhere they don't wan to go?”

“Oh, I don'c think so?”the mother said. “T imagine is very nice.”*I want o go!”
she heard her son say with ardor. I want to go right now? he cried. “Can I, Mama?

Can'2 Please?” And looking nto his cyes,she was overwhelmed by sadness.

“Silly ching she said, “there'l be time enough for that when you're grown up.

But whae I very much hope;” she went on, “is that instead of being chosen to

AMOTHER'S TA

6

goout on the range and to make the long journey, you will grow up to be very.
strong and brighe so chey will decide that you may stay here at home with Mother.
And you, too;” she added, speaking to the other licle males; but she could not
honestly wish chis for any bue her own, least of all for the eldest, strongest and
most proud, for she knew how few are chosen.

She could see that what she said was not received with enthusiasm.

“Bue I want to go? her son said."

“Why?" she asked. “I don'c think any of you realize that it’s a great

Jomor to be chosen to stay. A great privilege. Why,isjust the most ordinary
ones are taken out onto the range. But only the very pick are chosen to stay here.
at home. IF you want to go out on the range” she said in hurried and happy
inspiracion, “all you

have o do is be ordinary and careless and sill. If you want to have even a
chance o be chosen to say, you have totry to be stronger and bigger and braver and.
brighter than anyone else, and that takes hard work. Every day. Do you see?” And
she looked happily and hopefully from one to another. “Besides” she added, aware.
that they were not won over, “T'm old i’ very rough lie out there, and the men
are unkind”

“Don'e you see” she said again; and she precended to speak to all of them, but it
was only to her son.

Buc he only looked at her. “Why do you want me to stay home?” he asked flady;
in theie slence she knew the others were asking the same question.

“Because it’s safe here? she said before she knew betters and realized that
she had put it in the most unfortunate way possible. “Not safe, not just that
she fumbled, I mean... because here we kuow what happens, and whar’s going
t0 happen, and there's never any doube about it, never any reason to wonder,
0 worry. Don't you see? It just Home? and she put asimile on the word, “where
weall know cach other and are happy and well”

“They were so merely quie, looking back at her, that she fele they were neither
won over nor alienated. Then she knew of her son that he, anyhow, was most
certinly not persuaded, for he asked the question she most dreaded, “Where do.
they go on the train?” And hearing him, she knew that she would stop at nothing
0 bring that curiosity and eagerness and that tendency toward skepicism within
bounds.

“Nobody knows? she said, and added, in just the tone she knew would most
sharply engage them, “Not for sure, anyway.”

“What do you mean, nor for sure” her son cried. And the oldest, biggest
alf repeated the question, his voice eracking.

“The mother deliberately kepe silence as she gazed out over the plain, and while
she was silent they all heard the last they would ever hear of all those who were.
‘going away, one lase great ery, as faint almost as a breath, the infinitesimal jabbing
vicuperation of the dog; the solemn muttering of the earch.

“Well? she said, after even chis sound was entirely lost, “there was one who

James Ae
came back” Their instant, rustful eyes were too much for her. She added, “Or so.
they say”

“They gathered alitle more closely around her, for now she spoke very quietly

“It was my greatgrandmother who cold me? she said. “She was told it
by her great-grandmother, who claimed she saw ic with her own eyes, though of

I can'e vouch for thar. Because of course I wasn't even dreamed of then, and
Great-grandmother was so very very old you sce, that you couldn't always be
sure she

knew quite what she was saying”

Now thatshe begun to remember it more clearly,she was sorey she had commited
herself o telling i

“Yes? she said “the scory i, there was one, just one who ever came back, and he
told what happened on the rain, and where the train went and what happened
afier

He told icallin a rush, they say,the last things irst and every which way, but as
it was finally sorted out and goeten into order by those who heard it and those who
they told it to,thisis more o less what happened

“He said that afier the men had gotten as many of us s they could inco the car he
wasin, 50 that their sides pressed tightly together and nobody could lie down, they

slid the doors shut with a scartling racle and bang, and then there was a sudden
jerk, so strong they might have fallen except that they were packed so closely
togerher, and the car began to move again. You sce, they were just moving up the
next car that was joined on behind, to put more of us inco it. He could see it all
berween the boards of the car, because the boards were buile aletle apart from each
other, to et n air”

Car,her son said again o himself. Now he would never forget that word.

“He said that then for the first cime in his lfe, he became very badly frightened,
he didn't know why. But he was sure that there was something dreadfully to be
aftaid of. The others fle this same geeat fear. They called out loudly to those who
were being pu inco the car behind, and the ochers called back, but it was no uses
those who were getting aboard were between narrow white fences and then were
walking up a narrow slope and the men kept jabbing them as they do when they are.
in an unkind humor, and there was no way to go but onto the car. There was no way
0 get out of the car either: he tied with al his might, and he was the one nearest
the door.

“After the next car behind was full, and he door was shu, the train jerked
forward again, and scopped again, and they put more of us inco sill another car,
and so on, and on, until allthe stating and stopping no longer frightened anybody:
it was just something uncomforeable that was never going to stop, and they began
instead to realize how hungry and thirsty they were. But there was no food and no
water, 50 they just had o put up with this; and about the time they became resigned
0 going without their suppers (for now it was almost dark), they heard a sudden

AMOTHER'S TA

and cerrible scream which frightened them even more deeply than anything had
frightened them before, and the train began to move again, and they braced their
legs once more for the jolt when it would stop, bu this dme, instead of stopping, it
began to go fast, and then even faster, so fast that the ground nearby sld past like a
flooded creck and the whole country, he caimed, began to move too, turningslowly
around a far mounain as if it were all one great wheel And then there was 2 strange
Kind of disturbance inside the car,

he said, or even inside his very bones. He fele as if everythingin him was falling,
asifhe had been filled full of a heavy liquid that all wanted to flow one way, and all
the others were leaning as he was leaning, away from this queer heaviness that was
erying to pull them over, and then just as suddenly chisleaning heaviness was gone
and they nearly fell again before they could stop leaning against it. He could never
understand what this was, but it too happened so many times that they all got us
ed toit just as they got used to secing the country turn like a slow wheel, and just
as they got used to the long cruel screams of the, engine, and the steady iron noise
beneath them which made the cold, darkness so fearsome, and the hunger and the
thirst and the continual standing up, and the moving on and on and on as if they
would never stop.”

“Did' they ever stop?” one asked.

“Once in a grea while;” she replied. “Each time they did” she said, “he though,
Oh, now at ast! At last we ean get out and seretch our tired legs and lie down! Ar
Last we'll b given food and water! But they never let them out. And they never gave.
them food or water. They never cleaned up under them. They had to stand in their
manure and in the water they made”

“Why did the tain stop?” her son asked; and with somber gratification she saw
that he was takingal this very much to heart. “He could never understand why_ she
said. "Sometimes men would walk up and down alongside the cars, and the more.
nervous and the more trustful of us would call out; but they were only looking
around, they never seemed to do anything. Sometimes he could see many houses
and bigger buildings togecher where people lived. Sometimes it was far out in the
country and after they had stood stil for a long time they would heara ltcle noise.
which quickly became louder, and then beeame suddenly a noise so loud it would
stop their breathing, and duringthis noise something black would go by, very close
and so fast it couldn' be seen. And then it was gone as suddenly a i had appearet
and the noise became small, and then in the silence theis train would start up again.

“Once, he tells us, something very strange happened. They were standing sill,
and cars of a very different kind began to move slowly past. These cars were not red.,
bue black, with many glass windows like those in a house; and he says they were
as full of human beings as the car he was in was full of our kind. And one of these
people looked into his eyes and smiled, as if he liked him, or as if e knew only too.
well how hard the journey was.

“S0 by his account it happens to them, too? she said, with a certain pleased
vindictiveness. “Only they were sicting down at their case, not standing. And the

one who smiled was eating”

She was sill,rying to think of something: she couldn'e quite grasp the thought.

“Bue didn't they ever let them out?” her son asked. The oldest calf jeered. “Of
course they did. He came back, didnt he? How would he ever come back ifhe

didn'eget our?”

“They didn' let them our” she said, “for along, long e’

“How long?”

“So0 long, and he was so tired, he could never quite be sure. But he said that it
turned from night to day and from day to night and back again several tmes over,
with the train moving nearly all of this time, and that when i¢ finally stopped, early
‘one morning, they were all o tired and so discouraged that they hardly even

noticed any longer, let alone fele any hope that anything, would change for
them, ever again; and then all of a sudden men came up and put up a wide walk
and unbarred the door and slid it open, and it was the most wonderful and happy
moment of hislfe when he saw the door open, and walked into the open air with all
hisjoints trembling, and drank the water and ate the delicious food they had ready
for him; it was worth the whole terrible journey.”

Now that these scenes came clear before her, there was a faraway shining in her
eyes,and her voice, oo, had something i it of the faraway.

“When they had eaten and drunk all they could hold they lfied up their heads
and looked around, and everything they saw made them happy: Even the trains
made them cheerful now, for now they were no longer afaid of them. And though
these wains were forever breaking to pieces and joining again with other broken
picees,with shuffings and clashings and rude cries,they hardly paid them ateention
any more, they were so pleased to be in their new home, and so surprised and
delighted to find they were among thousands upon thousands of strangers of their
‘own kind, al lfting up their voices in peacefulness and thanksgiving, and they were.
5o wonderstruck by all they could see,it was so beautifl and so grand.

“For he has told us that now they lived among fences as white as bone, so many,
and so spiderishly complicated, and shining so pure, that there’ no use trying even
0 hint a the beauy and the splendor of it to anyone who knows only the pitiful
liele outfieing of a ranch. Beyond these mazy fences, hrough the dark and bright
smoke which continually turned along the sunligh, dark buildings stood shoulder
0 shoulder in a wall as huge and proud as mountains. All through the air, all the
time,there was an iron humming like the humming of the iron bar afier it has been
struck to tll the men it is time to cat, and in all the air,all the time, there was
that same strange kind of iron strengeh which makes the silence before lightning so
different from all other silence.

“Once for a liele while the wind shified and blew over them suaight from the
grear buildings, and it brought a strange and very powerful smell which confused
and distarbed them. He could never quite describe this smell, but he has told us
it was unlike anything he had ever known before. It smelled like old fire, he said,
and old blood and fear and darkness and sorrow and most terible and brutal force

AMOTHER'S TA

9
10

and something else, something in it that made him want to run away. This sudden
uneasiness and this wish to run away swep through every one of them, he tells s, o
that they were all moved at once as reslessly 2s so many leaves in a wind, and there
was great worry in their voices. But soon the leaders among them concluded that
it was simply the way men muse smell when there are a great many of them living
togerher. Those dark buildings must be crowded very full of men, they decided,
probably as many thousands of them indoors, as there were of us, outdoors; s it
was no wonder their smell was so strong and, to our kind, so unpleasant. Besides, it
was so clear now in every other way that men were not as we had always supposed,
but were doing everything they knew how to make us comfortable and happy, that
we ought o just put up with their smell, which aftr all they couldn't help, any more.
than we could help our own. Very likely men didn' like the way we smelled, any
mote than we liked theirs. They passed along these ide

s to the others and soon everyone felt more calm, and chen the wind changed
again, and the firce smell no longer came to them, and the smel of their own kind

was back again very strong of course, in such a crowd, but ever so homey and
comforting, and everyone felt casy again.

“They were fed and watered so generously, and ereated so well and the majesty
and the loveliness of this place where they had all come to rest was so far beyond
anything they had ever known or dreamed of, that many of the simple and ignoran,
whose memories were short, began to wonder whether that whole difficult journey,
or even their whole lives up to now, had ever really been. Hadn' it all been just
shadows,they murmured, just a bad dream?”

“Even the sharp ones, who knew very wel it had all really happened, began to
figure that everyehing up to now had been made so full of pain only so that all they
had come to now might seem all the sweeter and the more glorious. Some of the
oldest and deepest were even of mind that all the puzzle and tribulation of the
journey had been sent to us as kind of harsh trying or proving of our worthiness:
and dhat it was entirely fitcing and proper that we could earn our way through to
such rewards as these, only through suffering, and through being patient under
pain which was beyond our understanding: and that now at the last, to those who.
had bome allthings well, all things were made known; for the mystery of suffering
stood revealed in joy. And now as they looked back over all that was past, all their
sorrows and bewilderments scemed so litcle and so feeting thar, from the simplest
among them even to the most wise,they could feel only the kind of amused pity we
feel coward the very young when, with the first thing that hurcs them or they are
forbidden, they are sure there is nothing kind or fai in all ereation, and carry on
accordingly, aving and grieving a f thei hearcs would break”

She glanced among them with an indulgent smile, hoping the litle esson would
sink home. They seemed interested but somewhat dazed. I'm talking way over their
heads, she realized. But by now she herself was too deeply absorbed in her story to
modify it much. Let it be, she thoughr, a litle impatiens it is over uy head, for that

James Ae
“They had hardly before this even wondered that they were alive she went on,
and now all of asudden they felt they understood why they were. This made them
very happy, bu they were sl only beginning to enjoy this new wisdom when quite
a new and differen kind of restiveness ran among them. Before they quite knew it
they were all moving once again, and now they realized that they were being moved,
‘once more, by men, toward stll some other place and purpose they could not know:
But during these last hours they had been so well chat now they felt no uneasiness,
e has cold

butall moved forward calm and sure toward better things still o come:
s that he no longer felt as f he were being driven, even as it became clear thar they
were going toward the shade of those great buildings - bue guided.

“He was guided between fences which stood ever more and more narrowly near
each other, among companions who were pressed ever more and more closely against
‘oneanother; and now s he felt heir warmeh against him it was not uncomfortable,
and his pleasure in it was not through any need to be close

among others through ansiousness, but was 2 new kind of strong and gentle
delight,at being o vry close,so decply of his own kind, that e scemed as f the very
breath and heartbeat of each one were being exchanged through all that multicude,
and each was another, and others were cach, and cach was a multitude, and the
multitude was one. And quicted and made mild wichin this melting, they now
entered the cold shadow cast by the buildings, and now with every step the smell of
the buildings grew stronger, and the darkening air the glitering of the fences was
ever more queer.

“And now as they were pressed ever more intimately together he could see ahead
of him a nartow gate, and he was strongly pressed upon from eicher side and from
behind, and went in cagerly, and now he was beeween two fences so narrowly set
that he brushed either fence with cither Rank, and walked alone, secing just one
other ahead of him, and knowing ofjust one other behind him, and for 2 moment
the strange thought came to him, that the one ahead was his Facher, and that the one
behind was the son he had never begorten.

“And now the light was so changed that he knew he must have come inside one:
of the gloomy and enormous buildings, and the smell was so much seronger that it
seemed almost to burn his nostrls and the smell and the somber new light blended
togerher and became some other thing again, beyond his describing to

s excep to say that the whole air bear with it like one immense heare and it
was as if the beating of this heart were pure violence infinitely manifolded upon
violence: so that the uneasy fecling stied in him again that it would be wise to.

turn around and run out of this place jus as fast and asfar-asever he could go. This
he heard, as fF he were telling it o himselFat the top of his voice, but it came from
somewhere so deep and so dark inside him that he could only hear the shouting of
it as lss than a whisper, as just a hot and chilling breath, and he scarcely heeded it
there was so much else to attend co.

“For as he walked along in this sudden and complete loneliness, h tells us, his
wonderful knowledge of being one with allhis race meant less and les to him, and.

AMOTHER'S TA

12

in s place came something il more wonderful: he knew what it was to be himself
alone, a ereature separate and different from any other, who had never been before,
and would never be again. He could feel chis in his whole weight as he walked,
and in each foot as he put it down and gave his weight to it and moved above it,
and in every muscle s he moved, and it was a pride which lifted him up and made
him feel large, and a pleasure which pierced him through. And as he began with
such wondering delight to be aware of his own exact singleness in this world, he
also began to understand (or so he thought) just why these fences were set so very
narrow, and just why he was walking all by himself. It scole over him, he tells us,ike
the fecling of a slow cool wind, that he was being guided toward some still more
wonderful eward or revealing, up ahead, which he could not of course imagine, but
he was sure it was being held n store for him alone.”

Just then the one ahead of him fell down with a great sigh, and was so quickly
taken out of the way that he did not even have to shif the order of his hooves as he
walked on. The sudden fal and the sound of that sigh dismayed him, though, and
something within him told him that it would be wise to look up: and there he saw
Him.

“Alitcle bridge ran crosswise above the fences. He stood on this bridge with His
feet as wide apart as He could st them. He wore spartered trousers but from the
belt up He was naked and as wet as rain. Both arms were raised high above His head
and in both hands He held an enormous Hammer. With a grunt which was hadly
like the voice of a human being, and with all His srengeh, He brought his Hammer
down inco the forehead of our friend: who, in a blinding blazing, heard from his
‘own mouth the beginning of a gasping sigh: then there was only darkness”

Oh, this is enough! s enough! she cried out within herself,secing their errible
young eyes. How could she have been so foolish as to tell so much!

“What happened then?” she heard, in the voice of the oldest calf, and she was
horrifed. This shining in their eyes: was it only excitement? no pity? no fear?

“What happened?” two others asked.

Very well, she said to herself I've gone so far; now Ill go the rest of the way: She
decided not to soften i either. She'd teach them lesson they wouldn't forget in a
hurry.

“Very well? she was surprised to hear herselfsay aloud.

“How long he lay in this darkness he couldne know; but when he began to come
outofit, all e knew was the most unspeakable dreadful pain. He was upside down
and very slowly swinging and turning, for he was hanging by the tendons of b is
heels from great figheful hooks, and he has told us that the fecling was as if his

hide were being torn from him inch by inch, in one picce. And then as he became
more clearly aware he found that this was exacdy what was happening. Knives
would slver and lice along both flanks, becween the hide and the lving lesh; then
there was a moment of most precious relef; then red hands seized his hide and
there wasa jerking of the hide and a earing of tissue which it was almost s terrible
0 hear s o feel curning his whole body and the poor head at the bottom of it; and

James Ae
then the knives again

“It was so far beyond anything he had ever known, unnatural and amazing, that
he hung there through several more such slcing and jerkings and eearings before
he was fully able to take i allin: then with a scream, and a supreme seraining of
all his strengeh, he ore himself from the hooks and collapsed sprawling to the
floor and, serambling right to his feet, charged the men with the knives. For just a
moment they were so astonished and so terrified they could not move. Then they
moved faster than he had ever known men could—and so did all the other men
who chanced to be in his way. He ran down a glowing floor of blood and down
endless corridors which were hung with bleeding carcasses of our kind and with
bleeding fragments of carcasses, among blood-clothed men who carried bleeding

weapons and out of that vast room into the open, and over and through one fence.
afier another,shoving aside many an astounded stranger and shouting out warnings

as he ran, and away up the railroad toward the West
“How he ever managed to get away, and how he ever found his way home, we

can only try to guess. I told that
o this part of his sory. He was impatient with those who interrupted him to ask

scarcely knew, himself, by the time he came

about that,he had so much more important things to tell them, and by then he was
5o exhausted and so far gone that he could say nothing very clear about the liule
he did know. But we can realize that he must have had reall tremendous strengeh,
otherwise he couldn't have outlived the Hammer; and that strengeh such as his—
which we simply don' sce these days
‘own strongest and bravest would sicken to dream of. But there was something even

€5 ofthe olden time—is capable of things our

stronger than his strengeh. There was his righteous fury, which nothing could stand.
up against, which brought him out of that fearful place. And there was his high
and burning and heroic purpose, to keep him safe along the way, and to guide him
home, and to keep the breath of life in him uncil he could warn us. He did manage
0 tell s that he just followed the railroad, bue how he chose one among the many
which branched out from that place, he couldn'tsay. He told us, oo, that from time.
0 time he recognized shapes of mountains and other landmarks, from his journey
by erain,all eappearing backward and with a changed look and hard to see,too (for
hewas shrewd enough to ravel mosdly at nighe), but scll recognizable. But that sn'c
enough to account for it. For he has told us, too, that he simply nerw the ways that
he didn' hesitate one moment in choosing the righline of railroad, or even think
of it as choosing; and that the landmarks didn'ereall guide him, but just made him
the more sure of what he was already sure of; and tha whenever he did encounter
human beings—and during the late stages of his journey, when he began to doubt

he would live o tellus, h traveled day and night— they never so much as moved to
make him trouble, but stopped dead in their tracks, and their jaws fel open.

“And surely we cant wonder that their jaws fel open. I'm sure yours would, if
you had scen him as he arrived, and I'm very glad I wasn' there to sec i, cither, even
thoughicis said to be the greatest and most momentous day of al the days that ever
were or shall be. For we have the testimony of eyewitnesses, how he looked, and it

AMOTHER'S TA

i

is only to0 vivid, even to hear of. He came up out of the Ease as much staggering as
galloping (for by now he was s0 worn out by pain and exertion and loss of blood
that he could hardly stay uprigh), and his heels were so piteously torn by the hooks
that his hooves doubled under more ofien than not, and in his broken forchead the
mark of the Hammer was like the socke for a hird ey

“He came to the meadow where the great trees made shade over the water. Bring
them al ogecher!” he cried out, as soon as he could find breath. ‘All? Then he
drank; and then he began to speak to those, who were already there: for as soon
as he saw himselfin the water it was as clear to him as it was to those who watched
him that there was no time lft to send for the others. His hide was all gone from
his head and his neck and his forelegs and his chest and most of one side and a pare
of the other side. It was flung backward from his naked muscles by the wind of his
cunning and now i lay around him in the duselke a ragged garment. They say there
is no imagining how terrible and in some way how grand the eyeball is when the
skin has been taken entirely from around ic his eyes, which were bare in this way,
also burned with pain, and with the final energies of his lfe, and with his desperate
concern to warn us while he could; and he rolled his eyes wildly while he talked, or
looked piercingly from one to an- other of thelisteners,interrupring himself o ery
out, ‘Believe me, O, believe et For it had evidendly never ocurred to him that he.
might not be believed, and muse make this last great effor,in addition to all he had
gone through for us,co make himself believed; so that he groaned with sorrow and.
with rage and railed at them without tact or mercy for their slowness to believe, He.
had scarcely what you could calla voice lei, bue with chis relc of a voice he shouted
and bellowed and bullied us and insulted us,in the agony of his concern. While he
talked he bled from the mouth, and the mingled blood and saliva hung from his
chin lke the beard of a goar.

“Some say that with his naked face, and his savage eyes, and his beard and the
hide lying off his bare shoulders like shabby clothing, he looked almost human.
But others feel this is an irreverence even to think; and others, that ic s a poor
compliment to pay the one who told us,at such cost to himself,the true uldimate
purpose of Man. Some did not believe he had ever come from our ranch in the
firs place, and of course he was so different from us in appearance and even in his
Voice, and so changed from what he might ever have looked or sounded ke before,
that nobody could recognize him for sure, though some were sure they did. Others
suspeeted that he had been sent among us with his story for some mischicvous and
eruel purpose, and the fact that they could not imagine what this purpose might be,
Made them, naturally. allthe more suspicious. Some believed he was actually a man,
erying—and none too successfully they said—to disguise himselfas one of us; and
again the fact that they could not imagine why a man would do this, made them all
the more uneasy. There were quite a few who doubted that anyone who could getin
such bad condition as he was in was fi even to give relable information, let alone.

advice, to those in good health. And some whispered while he spoke, that he had

turned lunatic; and many came to believe this. It wasn't only that his story was so

James Ae
fantastics there was good reason to wonder, many felt, whether anybody in his right
mind would go to such trouble for others. But even those who did not believe him
listened incencly, out of curiosity to hear so wild a tle, and out of the respect it is
only proper to show any creature who is i the last agony:

“What he told was what I have just told you. Bu his purpose was away beyond
just the telling. When they asked questions, no matter how curious o suspicious
oridle or foolish, he leaned, toward the last, o answer them with all the patience
he could and in all the detail he could remember. He even invited them to cxamine
his wounded heels and the pulsing wound in his head s closely as they pleased. He
even begged them co, for he knerw that before everything lse, he must be believed.
For unless we could believe him, wherever could we find any reason, or enough
courage, to do the hard and dreadful things he told us we must dot

“It was only these things, he cared abou. Only for these, he came back.”

Now clarly remembering what these things were, she felt her whole being quail
‘She looked at the young ones quickly and as quickly looked away.

“Whil
amongus; one of them shot him. Whether he wassho in kindnes or o sience his

he talked.” she went on, “and our ancestors listened, men came quietly

is an endlessly disputed question which will probably never be seccled. Whether,
even, he dicd of the shot, or through his own great pain and weariness (for his eyes,
they say, were glazing for some time before the men came), we will never be sure.
Some suppose even that he may have died of his sorrow and his concern for us.
Others feel tha he had quite enough to die of without thar. All these things are

tangled and lost in the disputes of those wholove to theorize and argue. There is no

arguing abou his dying words, thoughs they were very clearly rememb

“Tell them! Beleve!”

Afier a while her son asked. “What did he ell them to do?*

She avoided his eyes. “There’ a great deal of disagreement about that, too, she
said after a moment. "You see, he was so very tired.

“They were silent.

“So tired;” she said, "some think tha toward the end, he really muse have been
outof his mind."

“Why?" asked her son.

“Because he was so ired out and so badly hure”

‘They looked at her mistrustfully.

“And because of what he told us to do”

“What did he tel us to do?” her son asked again.

Her throat felt ey “Just..things you can hardly bear even to think of. That'sall”

“They waited. “Well, what?" her son asked in a cold accusatory voice.

“Each one s himself” she said shyly. “Not ofthe herd. Himself alone’ That's one””

“Whatelse?”

““Obey nobody. Depend on none’”

“What else?”

She found that she was moved. ‘Break down the fences” she sad less shyly. “Tell

AMOTHER'S TA

16

everybody cveryuhere”

“Where?"

“Everywhere. You see, he thought there must be ever so many more of us than we
had ever known.”

“They were silent

“What else?” her son asked

“For f even afow do not hear me, or dishelieve me, we ave all betraye

“Betrayed?”

“He meant doing as men want us o. Not for ourselves, o the good of each other”

‘They were puzzled

“Because, you see; he fele that was no other way.” Again her voice altered: “All
who are put on the range are put onto rains. All who are put onto rains meet the Man
Wit The Hammer: All who stay home are kept there 1o breed others to go onto the
range, an so betray themselves and their kind and thei childven forever

“*We are brought inco this life only to be vietims; and there s no other way for us
unless we save ourselves.”™

Still chey were puzzled, she saw and no wonder, poor things. But now the ancient
lines rang in her memory, cerible and brave. They made her somehow proud. She
began to wan t0 say them.

“Never be taken;” she said. “Never be driven. Let those who can, kill Man. Let
those who cannor, avoid binn.

She looked around at them.

“What else?” hee son asked, and in his voice there was rising valor.

She looked straight inco his eyes. “Kill the yearlings.” she said very gently. “Kill
the caves.”

She saw the valor leave his eyes

“Kill us?”

She nodded, So long as Man holds dominion over us”she said. Andiin dread and
amazement she heard herself add, “Bear no young™

With this they alllooked at her at once in such a way that she loved her child,
and all these others, as never before; and there dilaced within her such a sorrowful
and marveling grandeur that for a moment she was nothing except her own inward
whisper. “Why, T am one alone. And of the herd too. Both at once. All one.”

Her son's voice brough her back: “Did they do what he told them to do?” The
oldest one scoffed, “Would we be here,ifthey had2”

“They say some did, the mother replied. “Some tried. Not all”

“What did the men do to them?” another asked.

“Idon't know she said. "It was such a very long ime ago.”

“Do you believe it2"asked the oldest clf.

“There are some who believe e she said

“Doyou?"
w told that far back in the wildest corners of the range there are some of us,
maostly very,very old ones, who have never been taken. Its said that they meet every

James Ae
50 0fien to talk and just to think togecher about the heroism and the terror of two.
sublime Beings, The One Who Came Back, and The Man With The Hammer. Even
here ac home, some of the old ones, and some of us who are just old fashioned,
believe i, or pars of it anyway: I know there are some who say that a hollow at the
center of the forchead—a sort of shadow of the Hammer’s blow—is a sign of very.
special abilit. And T remember how Grear-grandmother used to sing an old, pious
song, lees see now, yes, ‘Be not like dumb-driven catdl, be a hero in the srife’ But
there aren't many: Not any more”

“Do you believe it?” the oldest calfnsisted; and now she was touched to realize:
that every one of them, from the oldest to the youngest, needed very badly to be
sure about that

“Of course nor,sll” she said; and all at once she was overcome by a most curious
shyness, for it occurred to her that n the course of time, this young thing might be
bred to her. It justan old,old legend.” With a tender lcde laugh she added, lighly,

‘We use it to frighten children with.

By now the light was long on the plain and the herd was only a fume of gold near
the horizon. Behind it,dung steamed, and dust sank gently to the shattered ground.
She looked far away for 2 moment, wondering, Something-it was like 2 forgotten

word on the tip of the tongue. She felt the sudden chill ofthe lace aiernoon and she.

wondered what she had been wondering about. “Come, children” she said briskly.
s high time for supper” And she tumed avay; they followed.

“The trouble was, her son was thinking, you could never teust her. If she said a

thing was so she was probably jus erying to get her way with you. fshe said a hing
wasn'e 50, it probably was so. But you never could be sure. Not withou secing for
yourself. I'm going to go, he told himself; I don't care what she wants. And ific isnc
S0, why then Tll find out what is so. And if what she told was true, why then I'll
Know ahead of time and the one I will charge is The Man With The Hamme. Il
put Him and His Hammer out of the way forever, and that will make me an even
beter hero than The One Who Came Back.

So, when his mother glanced at him in concern, not quite daring to ask her
question, he gave her his most docile smile, and snuggled his head against her, and.
she was comforted.

“The leclest and youngest of them was doing double skips n his effores to keep up
with her. Now that he wouldn'tbe interrupting her, and none of the big ones would
hear and make fun of him, he shyly whispered his question, so warmly moisty
ticklish that she fel as if he were licking her ear

“Whatis it,darling?” she asked, bending down.

“What's a rain?”

AMOTHER'S TA

NEVER
BE
TAKEN.
NEVER
BE
DRIVEN.

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